Here we go again…

21 11 2011

I don’t want to focus on one drive because the Giants’ play was so maddeningly uneven last night that it would be unfair to single out one specific series. But, this particular drive was so problematic, so typical of the Giants recent late-season struggles, that it really sort of embodies everything that is wrong with the 2011 New York Giants. And the 2010 New York Giants. Probably the 2009 New York Giants too.

At the 11:36 mark in the 4th quarter, after the Giants had just tied up the game at 10-10 on a 24-yard touchdown pass where Victor Cruz burned Nnamdi Asomugha for the second time in as many games this season, the Giants seemingly had the Eagles exactly where they wanted them. The 4th quarter hasn’t been kind to the Eagles this season, and after being in control for almost the entire game, one would imagine that this touchdown would have sent the Birds spiraling towards other blown 4th quarter lead. At least it seemed that way.

What happened next was an inexplicable 18-play drive that drained almost 9 minutes from the clock and was about as painful to watch as anything I’ve seen from the Giants since that afternoon at the Meadowlands 11 months ago. Out of the 18 plays on this Philadelphia drive, 6 of them were 3rd down plays. Of course, the Vince Young-led Eagles offense converted all 6 of these 3rd downs almost effortlessly, the last one being a 3rd and goal from the 8-yard-line, where Young found Riley Cooper in the back of the end zone for the game-winning touchdown. Yes, the same Riley Cooper that had a grand total of 0 catches in the 2011 season coming into last night’s game.

That he ended up supplying the dagger in our hearts was not the most maddening part of that series though. The most frustrating thing about the 18-play march was the way in which the Eagles converted 3rd downs of 3, 10, 3, 1, 4 and 8 yards. On each of these 3rd down plays, the pass-rush was virtually non-existent.

Vince Young was able to sit back in the pocket and calmly sling passes over the middle to a fully-exposed area of the field that was being continuously exploited due to the inexperience of the Giants rookie linebackers. Herzlich and Paysinger played well at times last night, but they seemed to spend most of the game getting caught in no man’s land and leaving the middle of the field wide open for the likes of Brent Celek, Riley Cooper and Jason Avant to sit down in coverage and make uncontested catches. And without so much as a hint of a pass rush all night, Young was able to easily make these plays when he had to.

Early on in the night Young looked rusty, which was no surprise. He hadn’t started a game in over a year and hadn’t even practiced with the team until this past week. But after realizing that the Giants weren’t even going to attempt to put pressure on him, he began to settle into a groove. When it comes down to it, Vince Young is still an NFL quarterback, and if you give any NFL quarterback time to throw with no pressure and a trio of rookie linebackers leaving the middle of the field as exposed as it was, he is going to make plays — and he did.

I had a lot of problems with the New York Giants last night, and honestly, that 18-play drive was only the tip of the iceberg. As frustrating as it was to finally win the momentum back by tying the game, only to watch the Eagles march right back up the field on a drive that we had the chance to stop six different times, there were so many other things that frustrated me about last night.

For starters, changes have to be made in the running game. Last night’s performance by Brandon Jacobs was absolutely embarrassing. After the game, Tom Coughlin was quoted as saying their run game was “as pathetic as it gets” and he couldn’t have been more right.

Gaining 21 yards on 12 carries is inexplicable, especially against a weak run defense like Philadelphia’s that has been exposed numerous times this season. As bad as that stat line is, it’s even more misleading than it looks: Jacobs’ long run of the night was a 9-yard carry, meaning that 9 of his 21 yards came on one play. That means that aside from that one run, he gained 12 yards on 11 carries. That’s not New York Giants football. In fact, that’s not even professional football. That’s laughable.

I’m aware that some of the blame for the failure of the running game must be placed on the offensive line. For the most part, the offensive line has done a pretty good job this year of protecting Eli and giving him enough time to throw. However, last night they failed. Eli was constantly under duress, even though the Eagles were sending only four down linemen for most of the night. The fact of the matter is that Jacobs no longer has the explosive I’m-going-to-run-you-over energy that he used to have. There are a lot of changes that need to be made with this team, and they have to start with the running game. If that means that Jacobs and Bradshaw have to go, then so be it. I hope to see more carries from D.J. Ware and Da’Rel Scott going forward, but you know that’s not going to happen.

What else frustrated me last night, besides the 18-play drive, the lack of a pass rush and the slow, painful death of our running game? How about the DeSean Jackson punt return late in the first half that gave every Giants fan watching the game Vietnam flashbacks of December 19, 2010. I’ll ask it again, because it seems like nobody in the Giants organization has an answer to this question: WHY DO WE KEEP PUNTING THE FOOTBALL TO DESEAN JACKSON? I mean, Steve Weatherford might have had the game of his life last night, but that still doesn’t excuse him from trying to pull a Matt Dodge and giving Jackson opportunities to make us look stupid. Why do it? Without that punt return, it’s unlikely that the touchdown pass to Steve Smith (really? Steve Smith?) even happens and it’s probably 3-3 at the half instead of 10-3. That was such an unnecessary, stupid, STUPID decision that I wasn’t even completely sure it was happening while it was happening.

I’m not done yet though. How about we discuss the Giants once again relying on Eli Manning’s late-game heroics to save them? Listen, I know that for five of our six wins this season we’ve come from behind in the 4th quarter and that Eli has proved that he can bring us back time after time, but we can’t keep putting everything on his shoulders. For the second straight week, we played inconsistent, incomplete games and when the 4th quarter rolled around, we put everything in Eli’s hands and basically said “you can take it from here.”

Like we saw against San Francisco and again last night, he’s not going to save us every week. He’s not immortal, and he’s not Tim Tebow. Watching him complete a beautiful 47-yard pass to Victor Cruz and then getting mauled from the blindside and fumbling the game away on the very next play is about as maddening as it gets — but it should have never even come down to that. It should have never even come down to that because the fact of the matter is that we should have gained more than 29 yards on the ground. We should have picked up more than 10 first downs. We should have played a complete 60 minutes of football instead of believing that Eli would clean up the mess for us in the 4th quarter again.

After 1,200 words, I’m finally going to get to the point of this article. Here it is: we’re not making the playoffs this season. In fact, I’d be surprised if we finished better than 8-8. My last column was a few weeks ago now, and I wrote it before the inspiring win in New England gave us all the confidence that maybe we had something special in this 2011 Giants team. In that column I questioned whether this Giants team had the heart to avoid yet another late-season collapse. After beating the Patriots, I thought we did. But after these last two weeks, I know that we don’t. This team is no different from the team that melted down the stretch in 2009 and they’re no different from the team that blew a 31-10 lead at the Meadowlands last December 19th. This team has no heart and no fire, and they are in dire need of a regime change.

I don’t care how much the players like playing for Tom Coughlin, the fact is that he no longer knows how to coach this football team and the countless stupid penalties and lack of preparation for big games is more than enough evidence. The fact that this team continually comes out flat against weaker opponents is a hallmark of poor coaching and poor preparation and that all has to be placed on Tom Coughlin. I love the guy, and I love all that he’s done for this franchise over the last 8 years, but he can’t coach this team anymore.

The same goes for Kevin Gilbride. His play-calling has been atrocious, not only last night, but all season. His unrelenting desire to continue running the football when we clearly have no running game is frustrating beyond all belief, and there are times when his play-calling is so head-scratchingly bad that I’m not sure he even knows what football is.

I hate to say it as a Giants fan, but this team is in the midst of yet another late-season swoon and these demons will not be exorcised until this entire coaching staff is gone and we can start from scratch. I know that the Giants are historically good at preparing for good teams and showing up to play against the best of the best, but the way this team looked last night I can’t realistically sit here and see them having a shot at beating New Orleans or Green Bay. Of course this statement means nothing coming from me because we all know how unpredictable this league tends to be, but it would not go against my better judgment to say that we will likely be 6-6 going into our Week 14 game against Dallas. With the Cowboys’ next two games coming against Miami and Arizona, it’s conceivable to think that we might be two games out of first place by the time we face them, on a Sunday night in Dallas on December 11th. At that point, a loss to Dallas would almost certainly end our season.

Will it happen exactly like that? Probably not. But the fact that the scenario I just outlined above is a real possibility is just as absurd, given the position we were in a few weeks ago, with a record of 6-2 and coming off of a huge win in Foxborough.

This entire team is absurd though, and I’ve come to realize this over the last few seasons, along with every other sane and rational member of Big Blue Nation. The good grace that Super Bowl XLII brought about expired the moment DeSean Jackson crossed that goal line last December, and now, on the verge of our fourth late-season collapse in as many years, we have to start wondering where we go from here. The script for the 2011 season has already been written several times — now we have to see if the Giants are going to follow it.





Why the Giants Are So Disappointing (and Week 4 Quick Picks)

1 10 2010

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - SEPTEMBER 26: Eli Manning  of the New York Giants watches during the last minutes of the Giants game against the Tennessee Titans at New Meadowlands Stadium on September 26, 2010 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. The Titans beat the Giants 29 - 10. (Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images)

I’m sorry that it’s taken me until Friday to finally break my silence on what exactly I witnessed last Sunday afternoon from section 327 of the Stadium With No Name. It’s just that for the last few days, every time I started to think about that game I would start to gag a lot and dry heave. To make a long story short, it was ugly. It wasn’t at all what I expected to see when I walked into the Stadium on Sunday. Two weeks ago, I went into the Indianapolis game half-expecting to lose. I thought we would show up and give them a good game, I certainly hoped that we would win, but I didn’t really expect it to happen. And it didn’t happen, but I wasn’t that upset. I mean, this was the defending AFC Champion Colts. This was the reigning NFL MVP, Peyton Manning. Of course they were going to come out of the gates full-throttle and of course they weren’t going to start the season 0-2. Okay, point taken.

I figured that Sunday would be a much different story. We were playing a Titans team that looked like an absolute train wreck the week before against Pittsburgh. Their offense turned the ball over 7 times (not including 3 more fumbles that they ended up recovering) and Vince Young was pulled from the game by Jeff Fisher, something that I thought would ultimately shatter his already extremely fragile self-confidence and have him roaming the streets at 2 a.m. again and having his Mom report him missing to the police.

Instead, we looked like the fragile team lacking self-confidence on Sunday. We let the Tennessee Titans come into our building and embarrass us. The worst part of it? They were outplayed. In almost every aspect of the game, we owned them statistically. Time of possession, passing yards, rushing yards, total yards. Almost every aspect. Of course there were two big categories we didn’t own: turnovers and stupid mistakes, and we made a heck of a lot of both on Sunday.

What is more disappointing then coming out and being completely dominated and pushed back from the ball like we were in Week 2 against the Colts? Well, that would be what the Giants did on Sunday. Coming out and doing practically everything in your power to give the game away. After the game, I was hard-pressed to find one thing that didn’t go wrong for the Giants on Sunday. Poor decision to throw an awkward left-handed pass into the end zone from the 5-yard line, resulting in a drive-killing interception? Check. Missed field goal? Check. We had two in fact. Fumbles in the red zone? Check. Extremely stupid penalties, either killing an offensive drive or extending a Titans possession? Check. You name it, we did it. It was an afternoon of Murphy’s Law for the New York Football Giants on Sunday; everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, and at the worst moments.

And THAT is what the most disappointing thing about this Giants team is. They actually played very well on the offensive side of the ball. Eli Manning was something like 24/28 with 300 yards through the air going into the fourth quarter. We were driving down the field almost every time we had the ball, but we just weren’t scoring. Why? Two turnovers inside the 5 yard line and two missed field goals could have yielded 20 possible points that we squandered with stupid mistakes. The defense? They did their job too. Before breaking a big 42-yard run late in the 4th, we held the explosive Chris Johnson to only 71 yards on 28 carries. That’s less than 3 yards a carry. Pretty solid. We made big plays when we had to, we got to Vince Young and put pressure on him, daring him to use his arm to beat us. He couldn’t. But do you know what ultimately did beat us? Ourselves. We beat ourselves on Sunday, and until we can stop shooting ourselves in the foot against teams like the Titans, we can’t and won’t be a serious contender in the NFC. On Sunday night against a 3-0 Bears team, they get their first chance to prove that they’re trying to fix that.  I’m just hoping that I can give my gag reflex the night off.

Now on to the Week 4 quick picks. I was 4-12 last week. No, that wasn’t a typo, I actually only picked 4 games right out of 16. I’m not joking when I say that I’m terrible at this.

Denver (+6.5) over TENNESSEE

PITTSBURGH (-2.5) over Baltimore

Cincinnati (-3) over CLEVELAND

GREEN BAY (-14) over Detroit

NEW ORLEANS (-13.5) over Carolina

ATLANTA (-7) over San Francisco

ST. LOUIS (+1) over Seattle

NY Jets (-5.5) over BUFFALO

Indianapolis (-7) over JACKSONVILLE

Houston (-3) over OAKLAND

Arizona (+8.5) over SAN DIEGO

Washington (+5.5) over PHILADELPHIA

Chicago (+3.5) over NY GIANTS

(By the way, who made that line?)

New England (-1) over MIAMI

Last Week: 4-12

Season Totals: 19-29 (seriously.)

Note: My fantasy team is going up against Bruce Gradkowski this week. If we lose, I quit.





The 2010 Schedule Is Here!

21 04 2010
NCAA Lacrosse: BIG CITY Classic - North Carolina vs Virginia APR 10

Hey look, it's the "New" Meadowlands Stadium.

Last night, the NFL (that’s the National Football League for those of you out of the loop) finally released the 2010 regular schedule in preparation for Thursday night’s draft. Earlier in the day, Roger Goodell leaked the season-opening Thursday night match-up in an online chat. That game, a much anticipated rematch of last season’s NFC Championship Game between the Vikings and Saints will hopefully kick off the 2010-2011 season with a lot of excitement and a lot less Black Eyed Peas (Please NFL, I beg of you, can we just stop the pregame “concert” that usually goes with this event? I guarantee you that a good 80% of NFL fans couldn’t care less about Fergie or Rihanna. And if I even so much as catch a whiff of Justin Bieber at any NFL-sanctioned event this season, I swear that we will be having a serious talk).

Anyway, I have for you, right here in this column, an exclusive look at the Giants 2010-2011 regular season schedule. I use the word “exclusive” rather lightly here, because I’m sure that every single major sports news outlet and blog on the internet has the information already. Take it from me though, very few sports blogs care about a random arrangement of opponents, dates, and times more than I do, for every April I patiently await the release of the new NFL schedule like Christmas Day. That would make today the day after Christmas, where I swear that I will not eat anything until after New Year’s and that I will not watch A Christmas Story again for another 364 days.

Week 1

September 12th, 1 p.m. FOX

Giants vs. Carolina Panthers

It’s only fitting that the team we closed out the old Giants Stadium with is the team we’ll be playing to open up the New Meadowlands Stadium, although I’ve tried as hard as I could to keep that last game against the Panthers deeply repressed beneath memories of Dave Brown and that snowball game against San Diego. By the way, is there a worse name for a stadium than the one we have now? I mean, we know it’s new, right? Why don’t we just call it “Meadowlands Stadium” then? Why do we need the “New”? Besides, are they going to change it after a few seasons to “Lightly-Used, But Still Smells Like It’s New Meadowlands Stadium”? I’m all for keeping the name out of the hands of a corporate sponsor, but if we’re going to do that, let’s think of something a little more creative then.

Week 2

September 19th, 8:20 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

Giants at Indianapolis Colts

Manning Bowl II! I absolutely cannot wait for this game, much like I couldn’t wait for the first Manning Bowl. I was at that game back in 2006 when we opened the season against Peyton and the Colts (who would ultimately go on to win the Super Bowl) and I remember thinking about how much more confident Peyton was in running the offense than Eli was. Even though little brother held his own in that game and we only lost 26-21, I remember thinking how great it would be if Eli became even half as good as his big brother one day. Then the next year we ended up winning the Super Bowl and it was Eli hoisting that Lombardi Trophy just like Peyton. I guess that wish came true.

Week 3

September 26th, 1 p.m. CBS

Giants vs. Tennessee Titans

The last time we faced Vince Young and the Titans was a total nightmare. I’m sure everyone remembers that game back in 2006. I believe it was November 26th. We jumped out to a 21-0 lead and everything was right with the world…until the defense completely collapsed, Vince Young started playing like Randall Cunningham from the early 90′s and then Rob Bironas kicked our hearts out with 2 seconds left in regulation to give Tennessee a 24-21 victory. That one still stings. The last time we hosted the Titans? Almost as bad. We squandered a 26-14 lead in the fourth quarter and lost in OT to the late Steve McNair 32-29 on December 1, 2003.

Week 4

October 3rd, 8:20 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

Giants vs. Chicago Bears

So, this will be our second primetime game in a three-week span. Giants fans know that we either look incredible or absolutely awful in primetime games. Take last season’s stinker against Denver on Thanksgiving night and then the game we played on Monday Night against Washington later in the season. It was like day and night. I hate to keep bringing up bad memories, but the last time we played Chicago on Sunday night was November 12, 2006 and we got annihilated by the Bears. How do I remember that date so vividly? Because I had gotten back from seeing Dane Cook at the Garden and I was watching the game at a bar around the corner and when Devin Hester returned that missed field goal 107 yards for a touchdown before the half I almost threw up on everyone that I was with. However that Bears team eventually played the Colts in the Super Bowl that season, so I guess we get a pass for that one.

Week 5

October 10th, 1 p.m. FOX

Giants at Houston Texans

Funny story (or not, it depends). My friends and I have a running joke we use at Giants games when an opposing quarterback is having too easy of a day and we’re not getting enough pressure on him. Usually we’ll yell “SOMEBODY TOUCH (insert quarterback’s name)!” at least once every time that team is on offense. This started back in 2006 at the last Giants-Texans game when the Houston quarterback at the time, David Carr, was running all over our defense. The guy sitting in front of us would stand up after almost every play and yell at the top of his lungs, “SOMEBODY TOUCH DAVID CARR!” Sometimes he would switch it up, depending on the situation and add, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEBODY TOUCH DAVID @#$%&@ CARR!” Anyway, we thought this was hysterical. Maybe you had to be there.

Week 6

October 17th, 1 p.m. FOX

Giants vs. Detroit Lions

Weirdly enough, I don’t have any interesting anecdotes or stories involving any past Giants-Lions games. I guess it’s because most games against Detroit end up being mind-numbingly boring or we end up losing and I purposely have a way of forgetting about every game that we’ve lost to the Detroit Lions, for obvious reasons. Anyway, this is a nice afternoon game in mid-October when the weather isn’t really cold yet, but it isn’t hot anymore and nobody knows whether to bring a jacket to the game or not. Usually if you bring a jacket, you end up sitting in the sun the entire game and losing eight pounds of your weight in sweat. Or the weather can throw a giant wrench at your head and it can be 35 degrees with 40 mph wind gusts. I don’t know what this has to do with the Giants and the Lions, but I’m just warning you about mid-October games at the Meadowlands.

Week 7

October 25th, 8:30 p.m. ESPN Monday Night Football

Giants at Dallas Cowboys

This year will mark the latest into the season that we’ve gone without playing a division opponent since the 1970 NFL-AFL merger. That’s six weeks without any games against NFC East teams. We kick off divisional play on October 25th at JerryWorld on Monday Night Football. By this point in the season, we’ll either both be going in opposite directions or we’ll both be neck and neck and this game will be an early test of fortitude. I can definitely see both teams being 4-2 going into this game and ESPN hyping it up for a full week and a half.

Week 8

BYE

The good thing about bye weeks is that we never lose.

Week 9

November 7th, 4:05 p.m. FOX

Giants at Seattle Seahawks

I’ve brought back enough bad memories in this column to give you all nightmares and flashbacks for weeks, so I’m going to leave this one alone. I could dig out a handful of bad games we’ve had in Seattle since the 90′s and every one of them would give me the chills and the cold sweats. Like the 5 false start penalties in a row? How about Jay Feely missing three straight game-winning field goals? Falling behind 42-3 in the first half? Brad Daluiso shanking a potential game-winner in the Kingdome? I’m sorry, I just said I wouldn’t do this. Needless to say, Seattle is never nice to us.

Week 10

November 14th, 4:15 p.m. FOX

Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys

We return home for the first time in almost a month and who do we find waiting for us there? Oh, it’s the Dallas Cowboys again. Twice in three games So before we play the Eagles or Redskins even once, we have to face the Cowboys twice? Tell me how that makes any sense? At least we get them out of the way early in the season, because those games tend to give me the most frequent heartburn and eye twitches.

Week 11

November 21st, 8:20 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

Giants at Philadelphia Eagles

Speak of the devil! Here are our friends, the Philadelphia Eagles. The team who outscored us 85-55 last season. Good news though Giants fans: Donovan McNabb is gone! The wicked witch is dead! Wait, what was that….you mean he’s still in the division? We still have to play him twice a year? Oh….

Week 12

November 28th, 1 p.m. CBS

Giants vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

This here is the quintessential late-November trap game. It’s a winnable game against a weak opponent in the middle of a bunch of tough divisional games that we are supposed to win by a wide margin, yet we usually find ourselves trailing by a touchdown in the 4th quarter until we finally realize, “Hey, this is the Jacksonville Jaguars, we’re supposed to win this game!” and we squeak by in the last 5 minutes.

Week 13

December 5th, 1 p.m. FOX

Giants vs. Washington Redskins

The good news: we don’t have to see Donovan McNabb until December. The bad news: I can see us going into this game at 7-5 and really needing a win to stay in the NFC East hunt and the playoff hunt. And facing Donovan McNabb with our season on the line is something that always makes me a little uneasy. (See 2009; 2008)

Week 14

December 12th, 1 p.m. FOX

Giants at Minnesota Vikings

For the 96th season in a row, we have to travel to the Metrodome to play the Minnesota Vikings in December/January. We’ve lost the last two games in Minnesota, however neither game mattered. In 2008 we had already clinched home-field advantage and last year we had already been eliminated from the playoffs the previous week. This season the game will hopefully be a little more important. Plus, we’re still in that stage of the year where we don’t know whether or not Brett Favre will be returning or retiring! Always a fun time. I like to call this period, usually from April to August, “Favre Limbo”.

Week 15

December 19th, 1 p.m. FOX

Giants vs. Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles again. How will the first year of the Kevin Kolb Era turn out for Philly? I’m guessing that by this point in the season we should have a pretty good idea of whether or not the Eagles made a monumental mistake in ditching Donovan.

Week 16

December 26th, 4:15 p.m. FOX

Giants at Green Bay Packers

Eli vs. Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau on the day after Christmas. I’m anxiously anticipating this game. I think it has a lot of potential to be a great game and hopefully by Week 16 it will actually mean something. Although I won’t be complaining if we already have a playoff spot locked up by then. Even so, the match-up between Manning and Rodgers, two talented young quarterbacks, should be intriguing enough on its own.

Week 17

January 2nd, 1 p.m. FOX

Giants at Washington Redskins

We will end the 2010-2011 regular season on second day of 2011 against the Washington Redskins. What will this game mean? I’m not about to start projecting in April, it’s still way too early in my opinion. For all I know, we could be 11-4 at this point, we could be 8-7 or we could be 6-9, I have no clue. All I know is that if there is a playoff spot on the line and Mike Shanahan and Donovan McNabb are standing in our way, this could be another classic, old-fashioned NFC East slugfest.

On Thursday night, I should be rolling out a live running diary for the first 10-15 picks of the NFL Draft, so stay tuned for that.





NFL Week 14 Picks

10 12 2009

It’s been a few weeks since my last full NFL picks column, so I’m taking the time to give you Week 14, no holds-barred. The Thursday night games have been throwing me off because now I need to have my picks done a full 3 days before I usually do them, so thanks a lot NFL Network, for throwing me off my comfortable routine, and also for providing meaningless games that almost nobody cares about. Come on, Bears-Niners? Jets-Bills, in Canada? Tonight is no better. Steelers-Browns? These games are making me feel fine with the fact that Cablevision doesn’t get the NFL Network. No complaints so far. So let’s get to the picks. As usual, home teams in all caps.

Pittsburgh (-10) over CLEVELAND

Look, I know that I’ve shamelessly name-dropped my fantasy football team so many times in this column that I’m starting to sound like Nicholas Cage plugging another bad movie on Letterman. However, I’m now in the playoffs (at 6-7, it’s a miracle) and it’s starting to get important. At this point in the year, with Michael Turner limping around like House, my most reliable player has become Rashard Mendenhall, a guy I claimed off waivers in Week 4. Tonight they’re expecting a lot of snow in Cleveland. This game has “150 yards, 2 TDs” written all over it for Mendenhall against a weak Cleveland run defense that’s among the bottom 5 in the league. Am I excited about the possibility of him racking up 30 fantasy points on a bad ankle? Yes, absolutely, especially when the team I’m going against has Drew Brees and Chris Johnson. Okay I promise, that’s enough about my fantasy team for at least another 500 words.

Denver (+7) over INDIANAPOLIS

It’s Week 14 and we still have two teams that are undefeated. Some may call it a remarkable season, I just call it the biggest piece of evidence to show that the league has more bad teams this season than ever before. It’s not that the Saints and Colts are that remarkably good, it’s that the teams they are playing (for the most part) are remarkably bad. You mean to tell me that it’s just a huge coincidence that in the 37 years since the ’72 Dolphins we’ve had only one team go undefeated in the regular season (’07 Pats, of course) and now all of a sudden we might have two in one season?

Cincinnati (+7) over MINNESOTA

The 2009 Bengals are a lot like Santa Claus in that I want to believe that they are for real. So I will, for now. I will keep believing, even when Carson Palmer throws 16 passes a game.  (sentence deleted because of content about fantasy team). The people of Cincinnati are rejoicing because this is a team that is one year removed from an 0-8 start and now they have clinched only their second winning season since 1991. That’s fascinating. They’ll have an even bigger reason to celebrate if they can hand the Vikings a second straight loss on Sunday.

TAMPA BAY (+3) over NY Jets

Why am I taking the 1-11 Bucs over the Jets? Because they are the feistiest 1-11 team I’ve ever seen. Also because Kellen Clemens will make the start in place of an injured Mark Sanchez (out with a knee). Luckily, Joe Girardi came last week and showed poor Mark how to slide correctly. Fortunately Rex Ryan was able to get Girardi, because the other option was to get Jose Reyes to come in and show Sanchez how to milk a minor knee injury for 5 months.

Green Bay (-3) over CHICAGO

Okay, I think I’m safe to talk about my fantasy team one more time. I’m excited for this game because I have the Packers defense and I know that they are all staring at a picture of Jay Cutler right now and salivating. I’m thinking of a word that starts with “inter” and rhymes with “ception”. Green Bay is peaking at just the right time for them, and just the wrong time for the Giants. The thing about the NFL is that you need to take care of your own business before you can start counting on other teams to take care of it for you.

New Orleans (-10) over ATLANTA

I don’t know whether to be impressed or confused by the Saints, especially when one week I watch Drew Brees pick apart the New England secondary, and then the next week they’re edging out the Redskins in overtime only because Shaun Suisham can’t kick field goals (don’t worry ‘Skins fans, he was cut this week). WHO ARE YOU, NEW ORLEANS SAINTS? WHO ARE YOU???

Detroit (-13.5) over BALTIMORE

I was wrong about the Baltimore Ravens, I’ll admit it. But then again, so was everyone that gushed about them for the first two months of the season. It’s was a nice honeymoon, but I think we’re seeing what it’s like when Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco come back down to Earth. All I’m saying is, let’s not wet our pants just yet. On the other hand, Ray Rice has passed my first test of stardom. When I look at my opponent’s fantasy team (seriously, I promise, this is the last time) and see him on the roster, I actually mutter “oh crap” very softly to no one in particular. That’s what I call the “oh crap” test. Ray Rice has passed that test. Welcome, Ray.

JACKSONVILLE (-3) over Miami

It’s the 2009 Battle of Florida Teams Who Might Be Relevant Again, Only We Can’t Really Tell Yet, We Just Hope This Game Doesn’t Get Blacked Out! Only on CBS! By the way, the Jacksonville Jaguars currently hold one of the wild card spots in the AFC. What I’m trying to say is, if the season ended today (thank God it doesn’t), the Jacksonville Jaguars would be in the playoffs. Their fans can’t even watch them on television at home because they can’t sell out their games. Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2009 AFC Playoffs!

NEW ENGLAND (-13.5) over Carolina

You know what it means when Bill Belichick starts kicking guys out of practice because they got their $80,000 Hummers stuck in the snow and couldn’t make it to morning meetings on time. It means that it’s Serious Time and when it’s Serious Time, Bill Belichick is serious. It’s not anything like the rest of the year when he’s happy-go-lucky and cracking jokes with the media. Not anymore. He’s cutting off the sleeves to his grey hooded sweatshirt as we speak. I don’t want to be the Panthers defense this week.

HOUSTON (-6) over Seattle

I have nothing to say about this game because I feel like it’s between two 5-7 teams who basically play the same exact game every week. I’m sorry.

TENNESSEE (-13) over St. Louis

Last week was the first time in 5 weeks that I couldn’t tweet “VINCE YOUNG WINS FOOTBALL GAMES” on Sunday night, because Vince Young did not win a football game last week. This week however, Vince Young will win a football game and I can go back to living my life the way that it should be lived. Thank you, Mr. Young.

Washington (-1) over OAKLAND

This is what I don’t get about the Raiders: they’ll beat the Eagles, Bengals and Steelers, but then they’ll get trounced at home by the Redskins on Sunday. Of course I don’t know this for sure, but I can sense it coming. If it doesn’t happen that way, then we can just conveniently forget that I ever wrote this paragraph. Okay?

San Diego (+3) over DALLAS

Around here, in Giants country, we have a name for the Dallas Cowboys in December and January: Choking Hazards. That’s right, I said it. Let’s see you win something, “America’s Team.” I haven’t enjoyed a Giants win as much as I enjoyed last week’s win in a long while. Probably since the last time we beat the Cowboys. I’m not very fond of Philip Rivers either, but you better believe I’ll be a Chargers fan on Sunday.

Philadelphia (+1) over NY GIANTS

I hate games against the Eagles. Do you want to know how much I hate games against the Eagles? I hate them a lot. First of all, my brother is a huge Eagles fan, so the tension that builds up in our house the days leading up to a Giants-Eagles game is both exciting and uncomfortable at the same time. Second, they have demolished us the last three times we played them, with one of those times being last year’s NFC Divisional Playoffs. Needless to say, I’ll be there at the stadium on Sunday night with my brother, so we’ll see how this one goes. The last time I saw a Giants-Eagles game at the Meadowlands in December, Jeff Garcia took apart our defense like he was taking apart a bunch of Lego’s.

Arizona (-3.5) over SAN FRANCISCO

What has my fantasy football season come down to? Listen, if you’ve stuck with me for this long, then you’ll have to hear me out when I say this: my starting quarterback this weekend is Alex Smith. I’ve endured a long 13 weeks going back and forth between the likes of Matt Ryan, Donovan McNabb (even after I swore I would never touch him again after last season) and Carson Palmer (don’t even get me started about him), but now going into the first round of the playoffs, Ryan is M.I.A. like Andy from Shawshank Prison, Palmer is looking at a possible stat line of 9/22, 121 yards, 1 INT this week against Minnesota’s defense and I can’t possibly start McNabb against the Giants (as important as I think fantasy is, it will never come before my allegiance to the Giants). So it’s come down to this. Alex Smith. I’ve dropped so many Alex Smith jokes in the past few years that I know I have terrible karma going into this game. It all goes to show that the fantasy football gods really, truly hate me.

Last Week: N/A (out with a swine flu)

Season Total: 101-75





Making Sense of Week 10

16 11 2009

With the Giants not playing yesterday, I had a better chance to really absorb the other games going on around the league and take a closer look into some of the more interesting stories that unfolded in Week 10 of this NFL season. There were more than a few interesting subplots to take away from yesterday’s action. From near-upsets to head-scratching coaching decisions, Week 10 was like one long of episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Moments of laughter, moments of confusion and moments that make you wonder, “Did he really just do that?” But above all those things, yesterday just proved to me, once again, that I really do not have a clue how to pick NFL games.

  • Since I’m likely to finish below .500 in my picks for the second straight week, I’d like to at least take a few sentences to acknowledge that I am capable of getting something right. In my Week 10 picks column, I wrote that Vince Young had revitalized the Titans in a way that they desperately needed. He provides an extra intangible spark that Kerry Collins didn’t possess and with him on the field it seems that the team as a whole is playing with a lot more confidence now. That has never been more apparent than yesterday’s 41-17 thrashing of the Buffalo Bills. Of course I’m aware that they beat the Bills and not the Colts, but Tennessee has now won three in a row with Young under center.  I’m aware that anyone with even a portion of a normally-functioning brain could tell that replacing Collins as the starter would spark the Titans, but I still feel proud to be able to salvage some sliver of wisdom from my defeated and drained psyche.
  • I’m aware that even the best teams in the league have their off days, but the Saints really escaped with one yesterday. And by escaped, I mean that they did everything but have Michael Scofield tattoo prison blueprints to his body and get arrested so he could help them escape. The Saints were sloppy yesterday, but the fact that they somehow managed to stick with their gameplan and survive even on their worst of days to stay undefeated, makes them that much better. And if that doesn’t make a lot of sense to you now, just wait until the playoffs and you’ll see what I mean. A 9-0 team that loses a sloppy, meaningless Week 10 game to the Rams loses a little bit of their swagger, even if its not immediately noticeable. On the other hand, a 9-0 team that barely escapes the upset and ekes out a win over the Rams in a meaningless Week 10 game gains something from that win. Believe it or not.
  • The Cincinnati Bengals. I’ve been fawning over them all season like I’m a teenage girl from 1994 and the Bengals are Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell. Of course I haven’t been able to pay as much attention to them as I’d like because I took up a seat on the Broncos bandwagon after Week 1 and I have been riding shotgun there ever since. But yesterday, as much as I talked up their defense all week and even though I took them in my picks column, there was something in the back of my mind that told me that they couldn’t beat the Steelers on the road in the most important game of the season thus far in the AFC North. And then they did. 18-12. They scored the only touchdown of the entire game on Bernard Scott’s 96-yard kickoff return in the first quarter and 4 Shayne Graham field goals later, the Bengals are 7-2 and all alone in first place in the AFC North. With a 5-0 record within the division, they are in the driver’s seat right now, having swept both the Ravens and the defending Super Bowl champs and one more meeting with the hapless Browns is the only thing that stand between Cincy and a 6-0 record in the AFC North and possibly a first-round bye in the playoffs. Needless to say, I vacated the Broncos bandwagon after yesterday’s disaster in Washington so quickly that I think I left a vapor trail and now I’m on the waiting list for the Cincinnati bandwagon. I know I should have come to them sooner.
  • Speaking of the Broncos, they are slumping, and they are slumping big time. And speaking of slumping, there’s another team that continued its struggles yesterday that starts with “Atlanta” and ends with “Falcons”. While the Broncos were busy dropping their third straight game to a Redskins team that can’t get out of its own way, the Falcons went ahead and lost for the third time in four games. Atlanta, now 5-4 after a 4-1 start to the season, apparently has a strong case of the homesick blues as all four of their losses have come away from the Georgia Dome. The road woes will be in play once again next week as the Falcons travel to Giants Stadium to take on a Giants team that is also struggling. In addition, Atlanta might be without star running back Michael Turner, who rolled his ankle yesterday in the second quarter, after piling up 111 yards on only 9 carries. While this could be disastrous for my already sinking fantasy team, it’s a good thing for Giants fans, which I am. The Broncos aren’t without injury issues of their own, as Kyle Orton went down with an ankle injury yesterday as well. Chris Simms started the second half for Denver, which might seem like a bad thing, until you realize that the difference between Kyle Orton and Chris Simms is like the difference between Sweet & Low and Equal. They’re both bad for you, but one is a little less worse. Fortunately for both teams, the Falcons still have two games to play against the Bucs and the Broncos play in the same division as the Raiders and Chiefs. Hope remains.
  • The Dallas Cowboys are not really making it hard for me to question their legitimacy. They put on a strong performance one week and then have a game like they did against the Kansas City Chiefs the week after. Last week, they seemed to be in top form; and then yesterday they get shutout by Green Bay for 58 minutes. I’m not saying the Packers are bad, because they are far from it, but this is a Packers defense that got torched for 38 points by Tampa Bay last week and are apparently having identity issues themselves. Romo looked his usual, scared self, and most importantly, Dallas just could not get the run game going with Marion Barber being held to only 26 yards on 5 carries. Romo was forced to throw the ball 39 times, and everybody knows that when Tony Romo is throwing the ball 39 times, things are not going well. Had I stayed home to watch football yesterday, I would have been stuck watching the Cowboys-Packers with nothing else to toggle back-and-forth between. However, I decided to go to the local sports pub for the 4:00 games and possibly saved myself from sticking bamboo up my fingernails to ease the torture of a 3-0 game in the 4th quarter combined with the drone of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.
  • What will possibly end up being the most-talked-about story of yesterday and the most heavily questioned coaching decision in recent memory happened during last night’s much anticipated, annual Patriots-Colts battle. With the Pats up 34-28 and just over 2 minutes to play, Bill Belichick opted to go for it on a 4th and 2 with the ball on the Pats’ own 28-yard line. As Tom Brady came back on the field and the team lined up to go for it, all I remember is that I kept repeating, “No they’re not, they can’t be” as I watched in horror. Sure enough, they did not convert and at the two-minute warning, with three full timeouts left, Peyton Manning had but a mere 28 yards to take his team for the game-winning touchdown. Instead of punting it away and leaving Manning with maybe 60 or 70 yards to march in 2 minutes, Belichick made Peyton’s job at least 50% easier for him. In case Bill wasn’t aware of this, Peyton Manning is perhaps one of the few players in the NFL that you don’t want to ever make things easier for. It’s already easy for him. Is it highly possibly that Manning would take the Colts down the field for the score anyway, even if New England punted? Yes, very possible. BUT WHY MAKE HIS JOB EASIER? It took Indy four plays until Manning found Reggie Wayne in the endzone. 35-34, game over, Colts stay undefeated. Not only did the Patriots blow a 34-21 lead with 4 minutes to play and possibly a chance to recapture the throne of power in the AFC, but their supposedly genius coach suffered one of the most epic brain farts of all time. I swear that I’ve made decisions with a BAC of 2.25 that were better than that decision to go for it on fourth down.
  • And before I sign off for the rest of the week and mentally prepare myself for the Giants-Falcons game on Sunday, it would not be right if I didn’t get in at least one dig at the New York Jets. Not only has Gang Green dropped 5 of their last 6 games after their rather arrogant 3-0 start, but they’ve lost to the Dolphins twice, the Bills and now the Jacksonville Jaguars, with 3 of those losses coming on their home turf. Forget for the second that somehow the Jaguars are 5-4, losing to Jacksonville, Miami and Buffalo at home is not going to make a lot of people believers. Keep up the good work, and you might be able to salvage a 6-10 record out of this season.







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