No Cure For March Madness

11 03 2010

Really guys? Come on....

I know I haven’t written in more than a month and that’s pretty irresponsible of me, but I do have a fairly valid excuse. I’ve been working on my first novel during the past few weeks, and so I haven’t had much time to balance both things. Okay, that’s a complete lie. I have nothing but time. Actually, time is about the only thing I’ve had a lot of lately. Either way, the novel is coming along pretty nicely. It’s funny because it’s like I’m having a competition with myself to see what I can make less money doing: blogging or writing a novel. Right now, they’re both tied at $0 a piece. We’ll see how that turns out.

A lot has happened during the past month, and so here’s a quick Cliffs Notes recap of what I think are the most important sports stories of the last month:

- The New Orleans Saints stunned the Indianapolis Colts 31-17 in Miami on Feb. 7th to win their first Super Bowl in franchise history. Drew Brees was named the game’s MVP and showed the world that not only does he have what it takes to be mentioned among the top QB’s of his generation, but also that he has a really, ridiculously adorable son.

- Tiger Woods entered rehab for his “sex addiction”. Upon hearing this, men all over the country immediately deleted their internet history out of fear of also being placed in rehab. He then held a 15-minute “news conference” in which he fielded zero questions and spoke with about as much sincerity and emotion as HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

- The Nets kept losing.

- The Knicks also kept losing. Then they dumped even more salary by unloading the contracts of Darko Milicic, Nate Robinson, and the corpse of Jared Jeffries and acquiring Tracy McGrady’s expiring $22 million contract from Houston. In the process, the Knicks created almost $30 million in salary cap space heading into this summer’s free agent free-for-all and now apparently have enough money to sign two superstars. It is likely that neither of these superstars will be LeBron James, despite the collective prayers of the Knickerbocker faithful.

- Spring Training started. The Yankees went to an arcade to show us how much they like each other and how well they all get along. We were all supposed to feel happy for them, despite the fact that they….are a baseball team….and that’s kind of the point.

Tell me this doesn't make you wet your pants a little.

And that was about it. Nothing happens in February, so even the most mundane of stories turn into front-page headlines in the sports world. Thankfully though, the cold, uneventful winter months are behind us and we’re staring right in the face of arguably the most exciting one-month stretch of the year, at least when it comes to sports.

If you look at the next month/month and a half, we get treated to the following:

1) The NCAA Tournament starts next Thursday, which is no doubt, hands-down my absolute favorite sporting event of the year. Why? Because it gives me a reason to really get behind teams that I normally couldn’t care less about. Can you think of anything better than almost having an aneurysm on a Thursday night in March because Syracuse edged out Portland State by 2 points and you came within seconds of tearing up your bracket that had Syracuse in the Final Four? No, there is nothing more exciting than that, I’m sorry. I’ve tried the NCAA Tournament without putting any money on it. I think the last time I did that was 6 years ago. It wasn’t fun. I found my interest drifting away in the early rounds. When you’re in a pool with a $400 pot and you absolutely need West Virginia to beat Texas to have a shot at winning, tell me that it doesn’t make that game about 100,000 times more exciting. That is, if gambling was legal. My favorite thing about the tournament? When we start to get down to the Sweet Sixteen and I’m spending upwards of 8 hours a day playing around with all of the different possible combinations of teams in the Yahoo! Scenario Generator. As the number of teams left in the tournament decreases, the number of hours I spend on the Scenario Generator increases, exponentially.

2) The start of the baseball season on April 5th. With the start of a new season just around the corner, I have realized that the only way to forgot about the unrelenting nightmare that was the 2009 baseball season is to start a new one. What’s worse than the Mets losing two-thirds of their starting lineup to injuries halfway through the season and then having to endure a postseason that ranked somewhere between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and all 40 Saw movies on the horror scale? Having to go through that for a second year in a row. What’s worse than watching a Yankees-Phillies World Series that made me want to pull out my own tongue? Watching the Yankees win another World Series. So things can only get better from here, right?

3) The NFL free-agent free-for-all. The Giants already got off to a pretty decent start with their signing of safety Antrel Rolle from the Arizona Cardinals. The thought of him and a healthy Kenny Phillips in the secondary next year makes me a little excited. There’s still a ton of questions to be answered though before free-agent season wraps up. For example, where will LaDainian Tomlinson end up, and will anybody care? How about the question of whether or not Donovan McNabb will be wearing a Eagles uniform next season? What team will Terrell Owens destroy next? Gripping storylines will unfold in the coming weeks and months and as usual, everyone will drool over the Chicago Bears until they start the season 1-4 and we remember that they still have no wide receivers. Oops!

4) The NFL Draft in late April. I don’t really have anything to say about this other than these quick points:

- Sam Bradford will be drafted wayyyyy higher than he should be.

-Tim Tebow will be drafted wayyyy lower than he should be.

-Suh should be and probably will be the #1 overall pick.

-The Giants need to draft some linebackers, maybe.

-The Jets finally can’t screw up a top-10 pick because they won’t have one.

So, as you can see, I’m pretty excited about the coming month(s) and I won’t let anyone bring me down from this cloud of sports bliss that I will be floating on until May when the Mets are 7 1/2 games out of first and LeBron is leading the Cavs to an NBA title that will all but guarantee he stays in Cleveland.

See you next week, sports fans and loyal readers.





Empire State of Mind

30 10 2009

Yankees fans don’t understand what it’s like to be a Mets fan. Do you know why? Because they’re Yankees fans. For as long as they’ve been around, the Mets have been the second team in a one team city. Ever since the Giants and Dodgers fled New York, the city has belonged to the Yankees. With the possible exception of 1969 and 1986, the Mets have been the adopted little brother, the black sheep of the family. Mets fans have watched helplessly as year after year, October after October, the city is transformed into a Pinstripe Purgatory. This is the root of all the contempt that fills the hearts of Mets fans whenever the topic of the Yankees is brought up. This is why true Mets fans are cheering for the Phillies in the 2009 World Series. True Mets fans who know what it’s like to sit and watch their team get dismantled by the Yankees in the World Series in 2000.

Maybe we won’t admit it at first, but we would rather watch the Phillies celebrate a second world championship in a row then watch the hated Yankees get number 27. This is because up until the last few years the Phillies have been nothing but an afterthought in the National League. For as long as I’ve been alive, the Phillies have been a joke, the team that holds the dubious distinction of having the most all-time loses of any franchise in sports history. Unless you were born in 2006, you don’t recognize the Phillies as anything more than over-achieving cellar dwellers. Of course all of that has changed now, but even so, two years of playing second fiddle in the NL East does not even begin to equal the 40 years that we’ve played second fiddle in our own city.

I haven’t even mentioned the fans yet. For most Mets fans living in New York, or its relative vicinity, Philadelphia fans are few and far between. We’re not exposed to them because they don’t usually venture up to New York City unless they’re lost or they’re visiting family. It’s the Yankees fans that we’re forced to deal with day in and day out, and Yankees fans have had decades of training to learn how to become the most obnoxious fans on the planet. There are no hate crimes going on here though, I happen to be very close with a number of Yankees fans and I love them dearly. Here, this does my job for me (this is taken from a blog post titled “Top Ten Worst Fans in Sports“; the Yankees were #4): “New York Yankees fans: Speaking of entitled, let’s talk about Yankees fans. Yes, we understand that you have the most storied and decorated team in North American sports history; you don’t have to keep rubbing it in our faces. Getting a Yankees fan to shut up about their team is like stopping a train with your bare hands.”  These are fans who will resurrect a 6-year old chant for a pitcher who has pretty much handled them for most of his career (in 32 starts against the Yankees, Pedro has a 3.20 ERA, 261 strikeouts and the Yankees have a batting average of .211 against him). 2783

These are fans who own t-shirts that say “Got rings?” and whenever you mention the fact that they haven’t won a damn thing in 9 years, they’ll thrown their 27 world titles at you like a scared skunk lifting up its tail to spray. Sports, by its nature, is a “what have you done for me lately?” kind of thing. Unfortunately, most fans only care about what their team is doing right now, not from 1998-2000. On Sunday night, I watched 78,000 fans boo the Giants for stinking up the field for 3 quarters, the same Giants that won the Super Bowl 2 years ago and went 12-4 last year. When the Yankees win their 27th title next week, it will open the door to another 6 insufferable months of the New York media making the Yankees winning the title sound like a bigger event than Jesus Christ stepping off of an American Airlines flight at LaGuardia and performing miracles at the Starbucks by Gate 92. Until then, they are just another team looking for a ring.

Phillies fans, on the other hand, still have their training wheels on. They still burn cars when their team clinches something, and they aren’t the wily veterans of braggadocio that Yankees fans are. They can still smell the stink coming off the most recent era of losing and don’t want to jinx anything just yet. For Mets fans, this World Series is a battle between two evils in our world, we are simply choosing the lesser of those two evils. Hatred for the Yankees is something that lives deep down inside of my soul. It’s ugly, I picture it looking like something along the lines of Grendel from Beowulf, and it’s a pitiful monster, but it’s been growing for years and years and every October it comes out and rears its head and there will never be a way for me to stop it.

But anyway, here are your Week 8 NFL Picks, home team in CAPS!

Denver (+3.5) over BALTIMORE

Cleveland (+13.5) over CHICAGO

Houston (-3.5) over BUFFALO

Minnesota (+3) over GREEN BAY

INDIANAPOLIS (-12.5) over San Francisco

NY JETS (-3) over Miami

DETROIT (-4) over St. Louis

DALLAS (-9.5) over Seattle

Oakland (+16.5) over SAN DIEGO

TENNESSEE (-3) over Jacksonville

ARIZONA (-10) over Carolina

PHILADELPHIA (PK) over NY Giants

Atlanta (+10.5) over NEW ORLEANS

Last Week: 8-5

Season Total: 62-41








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