NFL Week 13: Things I Know*

5 12 2011

*I don’t actually know anything. This is all purely conjecture, and probably inaccurate conjecture at that.

It’s almost playoff time! Teams are getting ready to make that final push for those precious few playoff spots, Christmas trees are going up in living rooms all over the country and the Giants defensive coordinator is openly questioning the effort of his players!

In other words, it’s December. As you may or may not know, December is also my favorite time for pretending that I know A LOT about the NFL. It’s not too hard to imagine, after all I do watch close to 200 hours of NFL-related programming from the months of August to February. So yeah, I should know A LOT about the NFL. After watching a full day of football yesterday, here is what I learned:

*I’m only going to say a few things about yesterday’s Giants loss because, honestly, there isn’t too much to say. It was an interesting game, it was a competitive game, but at the end of the day it turned out exactly how I thought it would turn out: with a loss. This is the NFL, not the BCS. There are no “good losses” or “bad losses.” There are just losses. Yesterday’s game was a loss, no matter how you choose to look at it. And no matter how you choose to look at it, it all boils down to the fact that, for the second time in the last three weeks, we lost a game that was very winnable in the fourth quarter because our defense couldn’t come up with a stop when it needed to.

Once again, Eli Manning walked off the field late in the fourth quarter with the game tied and needed the defense to come up with just one big play, just as he did in the game against Philly. And once again, the defense folded. Fifty-eight seconds later it was Crosby’s kick sailing through the uprights, and the Packers are 12-0. No style points, no moral victories, no “nice try.” Just our fourth-straight loss and an ENORMOUS game against the Cowboys next Sunday night with first place and our season on the line. Oh and by the way, our defense has given up 87 points in the last two games. I know we played Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers, who could probably put up 40 points on the ’85 Bears, but I’m still not happy with our defensive play.

*The 2011 Better Late Than Never award goes to Titans running back Chris Johnson. CJ spent the first ten weeks of the NFL season Dexter-ing my fantasy football team, and I somehow was able to win despite his disappearing act. But in the last few weeks, with the fantasy playoffs drawing closer, he finally woke up and rejuvenated not only my fantasy team, but the Tennessee Titans playoff hopes as well. At 7-5, the Titans are still very much alive in the AFC South, despite the fact that I’m still not sure if Matt Hasselbeck has broken the 200-yard mark all season.

*At one point this season, the Buffalo Bills were 4-1. Remember that?

*My sincerest condolences go out to anyone who watched all 60 minutes of yesterday’s Bears-Chiefs game. I hope you make a full recovery.

*If the Dolphins’ season started on November 6th, they’d be 4-1 while outscoring their opponents 140-53 in the process. Let’s just say that nobody wants to be playing the Miami Dolphins right now with their playoff lives on the line. Luckily, we got them out of the way at the very beginning of their mini-hot streak, or else I could absolutely see Matt Moore throwing for 425 yards against us.

*I’m not even going to attempt to understand how Tim Tebow does what he does. The topic has been beaten into the ground already, and I think at this point we can all pretty much agree that he has something special. It’s something that regular football metrics can’t really quantify, but it’s there and it’s pretty obvious at this point. A 6-1 record, five comeback wins, and a nation of believers. If you don’t get it by now, you probably never will. Next week Denver gets a depleted Bears team at home, without Cutler or Forte? Can we be looking at an 8-5 Broncos team going into what will now be a HIGHLY anticipated Dec. 18 game against the Patriots? Possibly. Tebow vs. Brady? I can’t wait.

*Dan Orlovsky started 10 games for the 2008 Detroit Lions. This means that he has a chance to be the starting quarterback for the only two teams in NFL history to go 0-16. That is, if the Colts can finish off their impressive feat. I’m not sure that is a distinction that Dan Orlovsky wants to be recognized for.

*The Houston Texans are 9-3 despite the fact that they have lost their top two quarterbacks to season-ending injuries and were without Andre Johnson for six weeks (and maybe more after he re-injured his hamstring yesterday). The Titans are creeping up on them in the AFC South, but luckily they get a Bengals team that’s lost three out of its last four games next week, followed by the Panthers and Colts.

*The Cowboys are not as good as everyone seems to think they are. I’ve been saying this all season, and I’m going to stick with it after their 19-13 overtime loss to the Cardinals yesterday. There is not a single aspect of their overall game that impresses me. Of course, we still have to beat them twice in the next four games. But….

*….If you don’t think the Giants are going to run the table in the next four games, then face the 17-0 Packers in the NFC Championship game and beat them, you’re clearly out of your mind.


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Quick Hits: Saints 49, Giants 24

29 11 2011

They are who we thought they were. I’m talking about the Giants, of course. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, which means it’s also beginning to look a lot like yet another Giants second-half swoon. There’s no way around this. This is an underachieving team, decimated by injuries and lacking talent in too many key positions. Do you want me to name just a few of the problems with this Giants team?

Let’s start with the linebackers. Our linebacking corps was already paper thin before we lost Michael Boley to an injury last week. Now, with the exception of Mathias Kiwanuka, we’re trotting out a bevy of inexperienced, overmatched linebackers that couldn’t cover furniture. I like Mark Herzlich, he’s got a lot of potential and a ton of heart — but the guy is getting torched in the middle of the field. We are not going to get the job done with Herzlich, Spencer Paysinger and Greg Jones. That trio is not winning us a title. Sure we miss Jonathan Goff right now, but I’m not even convinced that he would be making that big of a difference at this point. The bottom line is that we need to go out and get linebackers that can make some plays.

Moving on, there’s another 270-pound problem I can think of off the top of my head, and his name is Brandon Jacobs. I’ve seriously had enough of Brandon Jacobs as a running back for the New York Giants. Listen Brandon, I’ve cheered for you for 7 years, I was there in Giants Stadium when you trucked your first helpless safety and scored your first career touchdown back in 2005, and we’ve had some special times together. But it’s over. I can’t sit by and watch you tip-toe into a pile of bodies anymore and routinely turn in 46-yard outings like everything’s okay.

And that touchdown dance you did last night with the scoreboard reading SAINTS 21, GIANTS 9? That was embarrassing buddy. I was literally sitting there watching you on TV, getting red-in-the-face embarrassed for you. How you can perform so poorly week after week, constantly run your mouth about everything from the fans to the offensive game plan, and then have the audacity to dance after a touchdown in a game in which your team got its doors blown off, just baffles the mind.

As far as I’m concerned, Brandon Jacobs is dead to me as a football player.

What’s next? How about the fact that this team continues to follow the same script year in and year out? Here’s how it goes: We’re coming off of a disappointing and deflating loss, we talk about how we’re “fired up” and “just focused on preparing for next week” in the media all week, we vow to overcome the disappointment and rise to the occasion, and then we get blown to smithereens on Sunday. It happened in 2009: a heartbreaking loss at home to Philadelphia, followed by momentary signs of life the next week in Washington, and then a complete and utter implosion in back-to-back weeks to end the season, giving up 41 and 44 points to Carolina and Minnesota. It happened again last year: a heartbreaking loss at home to Philadelphia, followed by a 45-17 whacking at the hands of Green Bay. And it’s happening right now: a heartbreaking (and god-awful) loss at home to Philadelphia, followed by Drew Brees putting up 49 points and carving us up like he was playing the scout team defense.

This team has no heart. That’s really all there is to it. Howard Cross put it perfectly last night during the radio broadcast when he said that the Giants are weak right now, and teams are coming in to play them knowing that all they have to do is hit them in the mouth a few times and they’ll just lay down. They just don’t have any fight in them. Perry Fewell is running up and down the damn sidelines last night after the hit on Hakeem Nicks, just trying to get this team fired up and there’s no response. We’re letting Drew Brees run amok, dunking the ball through goal posts when the guy probably needs a ladder to decorate his Christmas tree.

Even last week, our quarterback is clearly hit well after the play on an interception return, a dirty hit that was an obvious attempt to take out our franchise quarterback, and the only response we get is a miffed Antrel Rolle saying after the game that he wished he could have done something to retaliate. Are you kidding me? There’s no heartbeat on this team aside from Eli Manning, Victor Cruz and probably JPP.

Eli’s completing 21 consecutive passes in the second half with two receivers out there (Jernigan and Devin Thomas) who were strictly special teams players a few weeks ago. He’s turned a nobody like Victor Cruz into one of the top receivers in the league this season and we’re all content to just stand around and watch him.

Listen, I don’t want this to sound like another retread of last week’s rant, but frankly nothing has changed from last week to now. And the fact of the matter is that everything is unfolding exactly like I said it would. So am I surprised? No, not really. But that doesn’t mean I still can’t be disappointed. I’m disappointed that a team with so much potential can be bullied all over the field for 60 straight minutes in back-to-back games. It’s only going to get worse too.

I don’t care too much for Russ Salzberg, but what he said on the Giants postgame show last night was perfect: the Giants coming off of three straight losses and having to face Aaron Rodgers and the undefeated Packers is going to be like getting your teeth drilled by an auto mechanic. I’m not even entirely sure what that’s supposed to mean, but it pretty much sums up this entire Giants season. And last season too, for that matter. Maybe even 2009.


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No Cure For March Madness

11 03 2010

Really guys? Come on....

I know I haven’t written in more than a month and that’s pretty irresponsible of me, but I do have a fairly valid excuse. I’ve been working on my first novel during the past few weeks, and so I haven’t had much time to balance both things. Okay, that’s a complete lie. I have nothing but time. Actually, time is about the only thing I’ve had a lot of lately. Either way, the novel is coming along pretty nicely. It’s funny because it’s like I’m having a competition with myself to see what I can make less money doing: blogging or writing a novel. Right now, they’re both tied at $0 a piece. We’ll see how that turns out.

A lot has happened during the past month, and so here’s a quick Cliffs Notes recap of what I think are the most important sports stories of the last month:

- The New Orleans Saints stunned the Indianapolis Colts 31-17 in Miami on Feb. 7th to win their first Super Bowl in franchise history. Drew Brees was named the game’s MVP and showed the world that not only does he have what it takes to be mentioned among the top QB’s of his generation, but also that he has a really, ridiculously adorable son.

- Tiger Woods entered rehab for his “sex addiction”. Upon hearing this, men all over the country immediately deleted their internet history out of fear of also being placed in rehab. He then held a 15-minute “news conference” in which he fielded zero questions and spoke with about as much sincerity and emotion as HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

- The Nets kept losing.

- The Knicks also kept losing. Then they dumped even more salary by unloading the contracts of Darko Milicic, Nate Robinson, and the corpse of Jared Jeffries and acquiring Tracy McGrady’s expiring $22 million contract from Houston. In the process, the Knicks created almost $30 million in salary cap space heading into this summer’s free agent free-for-all and now apparently have enough money to sign two superstars. It is likely that neither of these superstars will be LeBron James, despite the collective prayers of the Knickerbocker faithful.

- Spring Training started. The Yankees went to an arcade to show us how much they like each other and how well they all get along. We were all supposed to feel happy for them, despite the fact that they….are a baseball team….and that’s kind of the point.

Tell me this doesn't make you wet your pants a little.

And that was about it. Nothing happens in February, so even the most mundane of stories turn into front-page headlines in the sports world. Thankfully though, the cold, uneventful winter months are behind us and we’re staring right in the face of arguably the most exciting one-month stretch of the year, at least when it comes to sports.

If you look at the next month/month and a half, we get treated to the following:

1) The NCAA Tournament starts next Thursday, which is no doubt, hands-down my absolute favorite sporting event of the year. Why? Because it gives me a reason to really get behind teams that I normally couldn’t care less about. Can you think of anything better than almost having an aneurysm on a Thursday night in March because Syracuse edged out Portland State by 2 points and you came within seconds of tearing up your bracket that had Syracuse in the Final Four? No, there is nothing more exciting than that, I’m sorry. I’ve tried the NCAA Tournament without putting any money on it. I think the last time I did that was 6 years ago. It wasn’t fun. I found my interest drifting away in the early rounds. When you’re in a pool with a $400 pot and you absolutely need West Virginia to beat Texas to have a shot at winning, tell me that it doesn’t make that game about 100,000 times more exciting. That is, if gambling was legal. My favorite thing about the tournament? When we start to get down to the Sweet Sixteen and I’m spending upwards of 8 hours a day playing around with all of the different possible combinations of teams in the Yahoo! Scenario Generator. As the number of teams left in the tournament decreases, the number of hours I spend on the Scenario Generator increases, exponentially.

2) The start of the baseball season on April 5th. With the start of a new season just around the corner, I have realized that the only way to forgot about the unrelenting nightmare that was the 2009 baseball season is to start a new one. What’s worse than the Mets losing two-thirds of their starting lineup to injuries halfway through the season and then having to endure a postseason that ranked somewhere between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and all 40 Saw movies on the horror scale? Having to go through that for a second year in a row. What’s worse than watching a Yankees-Phillies World Series that made me want to pull out my own tongue? Watching the Yankees win another World Series. So things can only get better from here, right?

3) The NFL free-agent free-for-all. The Giants already got off to a pretty decent start with their signing of safety Antrel Rolle from the Arizona Cardinals. The thought of him and a healthy Kenny Phillips in the secondary next year makes me a little excited. There’s still a ton of questions to be answered though before free-agent season wraps up. For example, where will LaDainian Tomlinson end up, and will anybody care? How about the question of whether or not Donovan McNabb will be wearing a Eagles uniform next season? What team will Terrell Owens destroy next? Gripping storylines will unfold in the coming weeks and months and as usual, everyone will drool over the Chicago Bears until they start the season 1-4 and we remember that they still have no wide receivers. Oops!

4) The NFL Draft in late April. I don’t really have anything to say about this other than these quick points:

- Sam Bradford will be drafted wayyyyy higher than he should be.

-Tim Tebow will be drafted wayyyy lower than he should be.

-Suh should be and probably will be the #1 overall pick.

-The Giants need to draft some linebackers, maybe.

-The Jets finally can’t screw up a top-10 pick because they won’t have one.

So, as you can see, I’m pretty excited about the coming month(s) and I won’t let anyone bring me down from this cloud of sports bliss that I will be floating on until May when the Mets are 7 1/2 games out of first and LeBron is leading the Cavs to an NBA title that will all but guarantee he stays in Cleveland.

See you next week, sports fans and loyal readers.


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Live From Miami (Not Really)

5 02 2010
Super Bowl XLIV media day

Raise your hand if you know the name of the stadium that will host Super Bowl XLIV on Sunday.

Keep it raised if you correctly guessed that it was Sun Life Stadium.

Exactly. The stadium in Miami (Gardens), Florida that is home to the Dolphins and Marlins has had seven different names since 1987. Joe Robbie Stadium, Pro Player Park, Pro Player Stadium, Dolphins Stadium, Dolphin Stadium (yes that’s a difference of one letter), and most recently Land Shark Stadium. At least until 2 weeks ago. The stadium has gone through more name changes than Prince. To top it off, the NFL won’t really even specify that the game is taking place in Miami, because technically, it’s not. So, live from “South Florida”, it’s Super Bowl XLIV!

There’s a little bit of an identity crisis here, to say the least. As far as the game itself goes however, you couldn’t pick two teams with more of a distinct identity. The New Orleans Saints are the representatives of a city that had all but lost hope 4 years ago on the heels of the Hurricane Katrina disaster. This is a city that got behind just about the only thing it had left, its football team, and has now ridden on its back all the way to the Super Bowl. The Indianapolis Colts? They have an identity too, and it comes in the shape of their superstar quarterback, the 4-time MVP Peyton Manning.

There’s certainly an intriguing storyline going into this year’s Super Bowl that makes it more than just Saints-Colts. There’s the possibility of redemption for an entire embattled city, and there’s also redemption on the line for Indy: Coach Jim Caldwell and the Colts shedding the harsh criticism they took for throwing away a shot at a perfect season by shutting up the critics and taking the Lombardi Trophy. And of course, you have the possibility of Peyton Manning winning his second Super Bowl in 4 years and rocketing smack dab into the middle of the conversation about “Who is the greatest quarterback of all-time?”

So there’s that. There’s also the fact that instead of weaving my way through reporters and radio talk show hosts and TV personalities at media day, I’m stuck watching a bunch of retired coaches and washed-up players argue with themselves while they sit in the parking lot of Dolphin Land Shark Whatever-This-Stadium-Is-Called. I would like to believe that one day in the future my writing will grant me access to the Super Bowl, and I imagine that when that day finally comes it will be like a cross between the excitement of the first time I saw myself on TV and the excitement of when my plane touches down in Vegas in May.

This would be a lot more interesting if I was writing it from a hotel room in Miami (read: from a pool bar in South Beach while I sip on a margarita), but I’m not, so this is all I have on this unnecessarily cold Friday afternoon in New Jersey. There should be a foot of snow on the ground here by tomorrow night and we’re being subject to a barrage of news stories about Rex Ryan’s middle finger instead of other things we should be focusing on, like I don’t know, THE SUPER BOWL.

So we are now less than 3 days away from the culmination of this NFL season and by 11:00 p.m. on the east coast on Sunday night we will have a new champion. Will the Saints follow through on their jibber-jabbering and punish Peyton? Or will Peyton dispose of the New Orleans secondary much like he did to the New York Jets two weeks ago? We don’t know yet. We can guess though, and here is my guess. My guess is that this will be a much better game than most people are expecting.

As we get closer and closer to kickoff I feel that most of the country is leaning towards a fairly wide margin of victory for the Colts. And here’s why: you haven’t heard a peep out of Peyton Manning or anyone else wearing a Colts jersey pretty much all week, aside from Dwight Freeney and his ankle drama. Unlike the Saints, they’ve remained quiet, like a ruthless serial killer eerily staring down the detective at the other end of the table not intimidated in the slightest. Maybe the Saints aren’t intimidated by this, but I am. I’m intimidated by Peyton Manning, even when I’m watching those Double Stuf Racing League commercials (I mean, the guy knows how to dunk Oreos).

The thing is, Drew Brees has spent most of his career being underestimated. He was underestimated early on in San Diego and he was underestimated during his first few seasons in New Orleans. Hell, he was even underestimated at times this season, but he has carried the Saints through a 13-3 finish and now through the post-season and this is where he gets to write his own ending. Sure he’s good, but he’s no Peyton Manning. That’s what he’ll hear if he doesn’t win. If he does win – Maybe he stops being underestimated and starts to become a little more — estimated? At the very least, he earns himself the distinction of being considered one of the best in the league.

Super Bowl XLIV Preview

Now, the only thing that is left after all of the talking and the nerves and media day and all the questions and answers and more questions is for the game to actually be played on Sunday. On the field, at Land Shark Stadium or Joe Robbie or whatever it’s called, two of the league’s elite quarterbacks will be arm-wrestling for a Super Bowl title, and I’ll be digging my car out of a snow bank to pick up wings and beer.


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The Final Four

21 01 2010

 

New York Jets v Indianapolis Colts

You can’t say that I didn’t warn you.

Last week, I told you that this league was hard to figure out. Did you listen to me? Probably not, I didn’t even take my own advice. I went ahead and picked the Chargers to beat the Jets when I had a sneaking suspicion that something fishy would happen in San Diego on Sunday. Actually, it wasn’t even a sneaking suspicion. The suspicion was walking around banging pots and pans and blowing a whistle. It wasn’t sneaking anywhere.

So why did I ignore this and pick the Chargers anyway? Half of the reason is because I’m an idiot, and the other half is because there’s no way I could have foreseen Nate Kaeding jumping into a DeLorean and reliving the 2004 NFL Playoffs over again.

However, I could have foreseen Norv Turner blowing yet another big decision in a critical moment by opting to go with an onside kick with over 2 minutes to play. Instead of putting the pressure on Mark Sanchez to pick up a big first down and hope that your defense can make one stop, why risk giving the Jets a short field? Sanchez had thrown for barely 100 yards at that point in the game and the Jets offense had been unable to get much of anything going for most of the game until Jim Leonhard’s late pick of Philip Rivers set the Jets up at the Chargers’ 27 yard line.

I’m having an extremely difficult time with trying to understand how and why the New York Jets are going to be playing the Indianapolis Colts this coming Sunday afternoon for a trip to Super Bowl XLIV. I’m having a hard time for a number of reasons and surprisingly, none of them have anything to do with my hatred of the New York Jets. Believe it or not, they impressed the hell out of me in San Diego and for at least the next 4 or 5 days, they have earned my respect. Relish this, because it will probably be the first and last time I ever say those words.

In all honesty though, I can’t figure out the enigma that is the 2009 New York Jets. Forget about the enigma of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE for just a second and consider the fact that a team that was 4-6 through the first 11 weeks and went 2-4 in their division is now one win away from playing in the Super Bowl. This is a team that had it’s own coach remark in a press conference that his team had no chance to make the playoffs. This is a team who is led by a quarterback that finished the regular season with 12 touchdown passes and 20 interceptions and had a quarterback rating of 63. 

Hopefully you can see why I’m so baffled. What compounds this confusion is the fact that I live smack-dab in the middle of the three-ring circus that is the New York sports media. For this reason, I am constantly witnessing the Jets getting raked over the coals for their latest embarrassment against Buffalo or their failure to stop David Garrard on a game-winning drive on their home field. Despite all of that, I now see a team that was declared clinically dead by an entire city of critics and sports writers only a month ago, march confidently into Lucas Oil Stadium with an NFL title in their sights. They have seduced an entire nation with their swagger and their cocksureness and judging from all the Daily News back pages these last few weeks, you would think that the Colts were the underdogs on Sunday.

Does America always love a good underdog story? Of course, and that is partly why the Jets have become America’s Darlings du jour. A team that nobody thought had a shot, suddenly has turned the tables with a rookie quarterback and a rookie coach who knows his way around a quote. And I’ll admit that any coach that uses the movie 300 to motivate his team obviously knows what he’s doing.

Do the 2009 Jets remind me a lot of the 2007 Giants? Yes. I find a lot of similarities in both the teams themselves and the paths that they took to get to this point. A young inexperienced quarterback, a relentless, blitz-happy defense that gives opposing quarterbacks nightmares and a steady, exhausting running game. And that is all I have to say about the magical allure of this strange and unpredictable Jets team.

Now, on to my picks for Championship Sunday. I was 2-for-2 last weekend, so at least we’re getting somewhere. I think.

New Orleans Saints 28, Minnesota Vikings 24

Last weekend the Vikings defense absolutely overwhelmed the Cowboys offense. Dallas rolled into the playoffs on the arm of Tony Romo and the suddenly breakout play of Felix Jones, and then rolled over Philadelphia in the first round. The Minnesota pass rush was too much for Romo though, and they were exploited in every conceivable way. Not turning the football over was one of the main foundations that held the Cowboys up during their run to the playoffs and that pillar came crumbling down on Sunday when they turned the ball over three times.

Can the Vikings replicate this gameplan this Sunday against the Saints and disrupt the rhythm of Drew Brees and the New Orleans offense? Probably not. First of all, they’ll be at odds in the Superdome which is possibly the hardest place to play on the road in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Second, the Saints don’t need a huge game from Brees to win. Of course they would like one on Sunday, but it’s not a necessity. There have been numerous times this season when Brees played very un-Brees-like and the Saints still managed to get the job done. Then again, those wins didn’t come against the Minnesota Vikings and Brett Favre.

Nobody can deny that Brett Favre has been having one magical season and his 37 touchdowns and 7 interceptions look like numbers that the quarterback of Oklahoma or USC would put up. Could this be his season of destiny? His last hurrah? His final showdown? Sure. Will it be though? Probably not. I think that the Saints and more importantly, the Superdome, will prove to be too much for the Vikes. The Saints will get their first ever Super Bowl appearance.

Indianapolis Colts 21, New York Jets 16

To be perfectly honest with you, I think that the New York Jets match up better with the Colts than any other team in the AFC. The only thing that can derail the Colts offense is a blitzing defense that puts constant pressure on Peyton Manning and forces him to check off on his receivers a little quicker than he is accustomed to doing. It’s no secret that Peyton Manning is a little less Peyton Manning-like when he has to worry about  linebackers coming up the middle or cornerbacks coming from the blind side. If the Jets defense can harass Peyton Manning like they harassed Philip Rivers last week, they will have a very, very good shot at winning the AFC title.

New York Jets v Indianapolis Colts

There is just too much at stake in this game for the Colts though. Whether or not the Colts fans or the Indianapolis media will admit to it, Jim Caldwell has taken a lot of heat for his decision to pull Manning in the second half of the Week 16 game against the Jets. Even if they don’t necessarily disagree with the decision, every one has talked about it, and it is on everyone’s mind. Lose again to the Jets and there is going to be a lot of questioning going on and a lot of  criticism thrown in the direction of the Colts organization, particulary Jim Caldwell. There is simply too much at stake here for the Colts, and Peyton Manning for that matter, to throw anything less than the kitchen sink at this game. Peyton Manning absolutely lives for games like this. He thrives on it. Mark Sanchez? As good as he’s been so far this postseason, I don’t think he’s ready for this stage yet. And maybe that’s all it comes down to in the end.

I will tell you one thing though, it will be one heck of an AFC Championship Game.


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NFL Week 14 Picks

10 12 2009

It’s been a few weeks since my last full NFL picks column, so I’m taking the time to give you Week 14, no holds-barred. The Thursday night games have been throwing me off because now I need to have my picks done a full 3 days before I usually do them, so thanks a lot NFL Network, for throwing me off my comfortable routine, and also for providing meaningless games that almost nobody cares about. Come on, Bears-Niners? Jets-Bills, in Canada? Tonight is no better. Steelers-Browns? These games are making me feel fine with the fact that Cablevision doesn’t get the NFL Network. No complaints so far. So let’s get to the picks. As usual, home teams in all caps.

Pittsburgh (-10) over CLEVELAND

Look, I know that I’ve shamelessly name-dropped my fantasy football team so many times in this column that I’m starting to sound like Nicholas Cage plugging another bad movie on Letterman. However, I’m now in the playoffs (at 6-7, it’s a miracle) and it’s starting to get important. At this point in the year, with Michael Turner limping around like House, my most reliable player has become Rashard Mendenhall, a guy I claimed off waivers in Week 4. Tonight they’re expecting a lot of snow in Cleveland. This game has “150 yards, 2 TDs” written all over it for Mendenhall against a weak Cleveland run defense that’s among the bottom 5 in the league. Am I excited about the possibility of him racking up 30 fantasy points on a bad ankle? Yes, absolutely, especially when the team I’m going against has Drew Brees and Chris Johnson. Okay I promise, that’s enough about my fantasy team for at least another 500 words.

Denver (+7) over INDIANAPOLIS

It’s Week 14 and we still have two teams that are undefeated. Some may call it a remarkable season, I just call it the biggest piece of evidence to show that the league has more bad teams this season than ever before. It’s not that the Saints and Colts are that remarkably good, it’s that the teams they are playing (for the most part) are remarkably bad. You mean to tell me that it’s just a huge coincidence that in the 37 years since the ’72 Dolphins we’ve had only one team go undefeated in the regular season (’07 Pats, of course) and now all of a sudden we might have two in one season?

Cincinnati (+7) over MINNESOTA

The 2009 Bengals are a lot like Santa Claus in that I want to believe that they are for real. So I will, for now. I will keep believing, even when Carson Palmer throws 16 passes a game.  (sentence deleted because of content about fantasy team). The people of Cincinnati are rejoicing because this is a team that is one year removed from an 0-8 start and now they have clinched only their second winning season since 1991. That’s fascinating. They’ll have an even bigger reason to celebrate if they can hand the Vikings a second straight loss on Sunday.

TAMPA BAY (+3) over NY Jets

Why am I taking the 1-11 Bucs over the Jets? Because they are the feistiest 1-11 team I’ve ever seen. Also because Kellen Clemens will make the start in place of an injured Mark Sanchez (out with a knee). Luckily, Joe Girardi came last week and showed poor Mark how to slide correctly. Fortunately Rex Ryan was able to get Girardi, because the other option was to get Jose Reyes to come in and show Sanchez how to milk a minor knee injury for 5 months.

Green Bay (-3) over CHICAGO

Okay, I think I’m safe to talk about my fantasy team one more time. I’m excited for this game because I have the Packers defense and I know that they are all staring at a picture of Jay Cutler right now and salivating. I’m thinking of a word that starts with “inter” and rhymes with “ception”. Green Bay is peaking at just the right time for them, and just the wrong time for the Giants. The thing about the NFL is that you need to take care of your own business before you can start counting on other teams to take care of it for you.

New Orleans (-10) over ATLANTA

I don’t know whether to be impressed or confused by the Saints, especially when one week I watch Drew Brees pick apart the New England secondary, and then the next week they’re edging out the Redskins in overtime only because Shaun Suisham can’t kick field goals (don’t worry ‘Skins fans, he was cut this week). WHO ARE YOU, NEW ORLEANS SAINTS? WHO ARE YOU???

Detroit (-13.5) over BALTIMORE

I was wrong about the Baltimore Ravens, I’ll admit it. But then again, so was everyone that gushed about them for the first two months of the season. It’s was a nice honeymoon, but I think we’re seeing what it’s like when Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco come back down to Earth. All I’m saying is, let’s not wet our pants just yet. On the other hand, Ray Rice has passed my first test of stardom. When I look at my opponent’s fantasy team (seriously, I promise, this is the last time) and see him on the roster, I actually mutter “oh crap” very softly to no one in particular. That’s what I call the “oh crap” test. Ray Rice has passed that test. Welcome, Ray.

JACKSONVILLE (-3) over Miami

It’s the 2009 Battle of Florida Teams Who Might Be Relevant Again, Only We Can’t Really Tell Yet, We Just Hope This Game Doesn’t Get Blacked Out! Only on CBS! By the way, the Jacksonville Jaguars currently hold one of the wild card spots in the AFC. What I’m trying to say is, if the season ended today (thank God it doesn’t), the Jacksonville Jaguars would be in the playoffs. Their fans can’t even watch them on television at home because they can’t sell out their games. Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2009 AFC Playoffs!

NEW ENGLAND (-13.5) over Carolina

You know what it means when Bill Belichick starts kicking guys out of practice because they got their $80,000 Hummers stuck in the snow and couldn’t make it to morning meetings on time. It means that it’s Serious Time and when it’s Serious Time, Bill Belichick is serious. It’s not anything like the rest of the year when he’s happy-go-lucky and cracking jokes with the media. Not anymore. He’s cutting off the sleeves to his grey hooded sweatshirt as we speak. I don’t want to be the Panthers defense this week.

HOUSTON (-6) over Seattle

I have nothing to say about this game because I feel like it’s between two 5-7 teams who basically play the same exact game every week. I’m sorry.

TENNESSEE (-13) over St. Louis

Last week was the first time in 5 weeks that I couldn’t tweet “VINCE YOUNG WINS FOOTBALL GAMES” on Sunday night, because Vince Young did not win a football game last week. This week however, Vince Young will win a football game and I can go back to living my life the way that it should be lived. Thank you, Mr. Young.

Washington (-1) over OAKLAND

This is what I don’t get about the Raiders: they’ll beat the Eagles, Bengals and Steelers, but then they’ll get trounced at home by the Redskins on Sunday. Of course I don’t know this for sure, but I can sense it coming. If it doesn’t happen that way, then we can just conveniently forget that I ever wrote this paragraph. Okay?

San Diego (+3) over DALLAS

Around here, in Giants country, we have a name for the Dallas Cowboys in December and January: Choking Hazards. That’s right, I said it. Let’s see you win something, “America’s Team.” I haven’t enjoyed a Giants win as much as I enjoyed last week’s win in a long while. Probably since the last time we beat the Cowboys. I’m not very fond of Philip Rivers either, but you better believe I’ll be a Chargers fan on Sunday.

Philadelphia (+1) over NY GIANTS

I hate games against the Eagles. Do you want to know how much I hate games against the Eagles? I hate them a lot. First of all, my brother is a huge Eagles fan, so the tension that builds up in our house the days leading up to a Giants-Eagles game is both exciting and uncomfortable at the same time. Second, they have demolished us the last three times we played them, with one of those times being last year’s NFC Divisional Playoffs. Needless to say, I’ll be there at the stadium on Sunday night with my brother, so we’ll see how this one goes. The last time I saw a Giants-Eagles game at the Meadowlands in December, Jeff Garcia took apart our defense like he was taking apart a bunch of Lego’s.

Arizona (-3.5) over SAN FRANCISCO

What has my fantasy football season come down to? Listen, if you’ve stuck with me for this long, then you’ll have to hear me out when I say this: my starting quarterback this weekend is Alex Smith. I’ve endured a long 13 weeks going back and forth between the likes of Matt Ryan, Donovan McNabb (even after I swore I would never touch him again after last season) and Carson Palmer (don’t even get me started about him), but now going into the first round of the playoffs, Ryan is M.I.A. like Andy from Shawshank Prison, Palmer is looking at a possible stat line of 9/22, 121 yards, 1 INT this week against Minnesota’s defense and I can’t possibly start McNabb against the Giants (as important as I think fantasy is, it will never come before my allegiance to the Giants). So it’s come down to this. Alex Smith. I’ve dropped so many Alex Smith jokes in the past few years that I know I have terrible karma going into this game. It all goes to show that the fantasy football gods really, truly hate me.

Last Week: N/A (out with a swine flu)

Season Total: 101-75


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MEGA, SUPERSIZED, COLOSSAL 2009 NFL Season Preview, Part II

2 09 2009

Continued from Saturday’s first part, previewing the NFC South and NFC West…

NFC South

1) Atlanta Falcons (12-4)

There’s no telling whether last year was a case of beginner’s luck for quarterback Matt Ryan or whether he actually is the real deal. This season will be the ultimate test for Ryan and the young Falcons offense. There’s no overlooking the fact that the offense is stacked, but it’s all going to come down to the running game and whether or not Michael Turner can repeat last year’s monster season. If the Falcons can run the ball as well as they did last year, it will once again open up the passing lanes for Ryan. They have a solid receiving corps in Roddy White, Michael Jenkins and Marty Booker, capable of breaking big plays and with breakaway speed perfectly suited for Ryan’s cannon of an arm and propensity for throwing the deep ball. The NFC South was one of the most competitive divisions last season and I expect that it will be once again this year, with four very talented teams. If Atlanta can duplicate their success from last year, which abruptly ended in the playoffs against destiny’s darlings the Arizona Cardinals, they should have a big year in store.

2) New Orleans Saints (11-5)

Drew Brees put up record-setting numbers last season and he did it with little help from the rest of his team, which finished the season with an underwhelming 8-8 record. The Saints have all of the offensive firepower necessary to be a dangerous team late in the season…all they have to do is get to a point where they can allow themselves to compete into January. Three years removed from an appearance in the NFC Championship game where they lost to Chicago, New Orleans appears to be inching their way back to the offensive powerhouse that they were in 2006. With a two-headed backfield threat in Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush, the running game should be successful enough to provide Drew Brees, one of the most efficient passers in the NFL, with ample time to throw the football to Marques Colston, Lance Moore and Devery Henderson. With a similar offensive style to the Falcons, expect some quality shoot-outs between the two teams when they meet in Weeks 8 and 14.

3) Carolina Panthers (9-7)

Watching Jake Delhomme implode in last year’s NFC Divisional Playoff game against Arizona was like watching a train wreck happen in slow-motion. And I’m sure it was no better for his teammates watching the game from the sidelines. Or even on the field with him for that matter. The quarterback once known for being a proven leader, who once had the Panthers seconds away from a Super Bowl title, is now better known for melting down and giving games away. I’m pretty sure that there was a point during that playoff game against the Cardinals where Delhomme had completed more passes to the Arizona defense than he did to Panther receivers. That’s not a good sign. However, that’s going to be the story of the season for Carolina. Sure, we can have countless stories shoved down our throat by FOX about how his Tommy John surgery has made his arm ten times stronger, and how he’s a great game manager and all of that, but the truth is, Jake Delhomme no longer is the great underdog story he once was and for the Panthers to be successful he has to make more plays than mistakes. It won’t be good enough anymore to sit back and watch DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart do all the work; or heave deep balls down the field and hope Steve Smith can run under them.

4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10)

Relying on Byron Leftwich and Luke McCown to drive your team’s success is like letting your wife plan your bachelor party. Leftwich was named the starting QB over McCown late last week, and Bucs fans probably breathed a sigh of relief….but they collectively turned their sighs into boos when Leftwich overthrew Kellen Winslow (and every other Bucs receiver) by about 60 yards in the last preseason game against Miami. In fact he overthrew so many receivers that Joe Buck actually (and this really happened) blamed it on the Florida humidity. The Bryon Leftwich Glory Days are over. I can feel the excitement from here.

NFC West

1) Arizona Cardinals (11-5)

Let’s be completely honest here, the Arizona Cardinals could probably win this division with an 8-8 record. They did it last year at 9-7, and there’s really no one in this division that screams “NEW AND IMPROVED FOR 2009!” this season. So with Kurt “I’ll buy you puppies if we make the Super Bowl” Warner returning for another year as well as Anquan Boldin, we’re basically looking at the same Cardinals team that was minutes away from upsetting Pittsburgh in last year’s Super Bowl. Once you get past the fact that Larry Fitzgerald is on the cover of Madden 10, it shouldn’t be a problem for the Cardinals to repeat as division champs.

2) San Francisco 49ers (9-7)

The Niners looked like they were a team on the rise towards the end of last season, winning 5 of their last 7 games under new head coach Mike Singletary. Singletary, the former Bears great, took over midway through the season for Mike Nolan after a rough 2-5 start and went 5-4 the rest of the way, salvaging as much hope as he could from an otherwise lost season. Once you put the Pants Incident to the side and forget about his much-publicized confrontations with rookie tight end Vernon Davis, Singletary was exactly the presence that the 49ers needed in their locker room and he should be a major factor in the rebuilding of a once great franchise — providing that he keeps his pants around his waist. With talented young players at the receiver position and in the backfield, the only other glaring issue they need to address is the quarterback position. Former number one overall pick Alex Smith has been such a bust that San Fran would have been better off drafting a pepperoni pizza with their first pick in 2006. Neither Shaun Hill nor Smith are what the 49ers need to move forward and the quicker they realize that, the better off they will be.

3) Seattle Seahawks (8-8)

There’s no question that last season was a major disappointment for Seattle fans. Those poor, poor Seattle fans. First, they lose their beloved Supersonics to Oklahoma City and then their beloved Seahawks end their string of 5 consecutive playoff appearances (one of which led to Super Bowl XL) and 4 consecutive division titles, by finishing 4-12. The Seahawks, famous for retiring the number 12 for their “12th man” (representing the deafening crowd that fills Qwest Field for 8 Sundays in the fall) could have used a 12th guy on the field last season when they were embarrassed week in and week out. Going into this season the Seahawks haven’t done too much to improve their roster or their chances of exorcising last year’s demons. They did sign former Bengals WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh back in March so they can own the distinction of having the player with the most unpronounceable last name in the NFL, but unless Matt Hasselbeck can stay healthy for a full season, it won’t matter much. The truth is, Hasselbeck isn’t getting any younger and it seems like his best years are now behind him.

4) St. Louis Rams (4-12)

New head coach Steve Spagnuolo (former Giants defensive coordinator) should bring a much needed spark to the 2009 Rams, and at the very least he should be an upgrade from the Scott Linehan Error (Oops, I mean “Era”). Regardless, it’s going to take awhile for the team to get adapted to a new system and aside from a three week stretch in the middle of last season where the Rams beat the Redskins and Cowboys and then took the Patriots down to the wire, the team hasn’t shown any signs of life in two full seasons (they are a staggering 5-27 since the start of the 2007 season). Marc Bulger, once a reliable starter who was capable of putting up gaudy numbers has disappeared over the last few years, mostly to injuries and a revolving door of young, unproven (and unheard of) wide receivers. This season the Rams expect to start Donnie Avery, Laurent Robinson, and Keenan Burton at WR, and if you’re scratching your head wondering if I just named current NFL wide receivers or the cast of Saturday Night Live, don’t worry, we’re in the same boat.

Coming on Friday, it’s Part III of the NFL Preview, featuring the AFC East and AFC North


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