I’m writing this week’s picks column from 30,000 feet in the air on a flight to Charlotte for tomorrow night’s Clemson-Florida State game. I figure that I’d take advantage of the free Wi-Fi and the 1 hour and 10 minutes of downtime to make my Week 9 picks. Since I’m typing this on my iPhone, I’m going to keep it short and sweet with another installment of Twitter-style picks. I somehow managed to salvage a 7-6 record last week, and I’m barely treading water right now, kind of like the Giants. Stick with me for a just a few more weeks, I promise, and we’ll be out of the woods soon. If not, I guarantee a full refund on reading these picks columns.
As usual, home teams are in all CAPS.
JACKSONVILLE (-6.5) over Kansas City
This game will most likely be blacked out in the Jacksonville area, so it will almost be like it never existed. Which is what Jaguars and Chiefs fans will wish anyway.
Baltimore (-3) over CINCINNATI
Apparently the Ravens are back, which is weird considering I didn’t even know they went anywhere. Although there’s a solid chance that Carson Palmer will throw 5 TD passes (he’s 7-3 lifetime vs. the Ravens) and make me happy that I started Donovan McNabb instead.
INDIANAPOLIS (-9) over Houston
The Texans’ 5-3 start is their best start in franchise history. The Colts’ 7-0 start is pretty much on par with every season since 2003.
ATLANTA (-9.5) over Washington
Last week was the turning point in my relationship with Matt Ryan. I got fed up with his 46.6 quarterback ratings and went out and picked up Carson Palmer and Donovan McNabb. Congratulations Matt Ryan, I chose two fantasy nightmares over you for Week 9. I hope you’re happy.
Arizona (+3) over CHICAGO
I had a Rex Grossman-related nightmare the other night. All I remember is seeing him on the sidelines wearing a Bears cap and sulking. Then he turned into the girl from The Ring and I woke up. I’m not taking the Bears anymore this season.
Miami (+10.5) over NEW ENGLAND
Which Ted Ginn will we get this week? The Ted Ginn that looks like his hands are made out of cinder blocks, or the Ted Ginn that looks like he entered a Madden cheat code for kick-off returns? Regardless, it’s a breakout week for the Dolphins, I feel it.
Carolina (+13) over NEW ORLEANS
No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The last time I backed Jake Delhomme on the road, I was working up the courage to ask a girl to the sophomore homecoming dance. In high school.
Detroit (+10) over SEATTLE
This is the game where the Seahawks will have no problem covering the spread. So why aren’t I picking them? Because I’m an idiot.
Tennessee (+4) over SAN FRANCISCO
Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m more than ready for the Vince Young Era: The Sequel. The first part left me wanting more. Ironically, it left Titans fans wanting less. At this point though, the guy that played the corpse in Weekend at Bernie’s would be a better fit at quarterback than Kerry Collins.
NY GIANTS (-5) over San Diego
In The Daily News the other day, Tom Coughlin said that this Sunday is the make-or-break point of the Giants’ season. According to Coughlin it has all come down to a “one-game season” for the Giants, which is kind of unfair considering every other team in the league has to play 16-game seasons.
PHILADELPHIA (-3) over Dallas
Tony Romo is to important games what that indian guy from The Big Bang Theory is to girls. He completely shuts down. Romo is probably better off getting drunk before big games. It worked for Kerry Collins.
DENVER (+3) over Pittsburgh
I am a riding shotgun on the Broncos bandwagon right now. I’m sitting right next to the driver with a foam finger and everything. I am drinking the Josh McDaniels kool-aid. This is bad news for Denver.
I accidentally left the Green Bay-Tampa Bay game off my original draft yesterday….so here it is:
Green Bay (-10) over TAMPA BAY
Last Week: 7-6
Season Total: 69-47
