#98: Tailgating
There are few things in this world that make me as happy as when I pull into the parking lot of Giants Stadium on game day, roll my window down, and take in the smell of hundreds upon hundreds of charcoal grills burning. The smells of countless different varieties of meats being cooked and blending together in the air is something that immediately evokes a feeling of warmth inside of me, although that may easily be mistaken for the feeling you get when your stomach starts producing digestive acids in the anticipation of downing a half-rack of ribs while you sit on a folding chair behind a Chevy Suburban.
Tailgating, my friends, is the age-old tradition of arriving to a football game 4-5 hours before kickoff, getting very, very drunk and eating an unhealthy amount of sausage before most people have woken up. And I love it.
The fact is, tailgating adds to the fun of just about any event. Football games, baseball games, concerts, bridal showers, christenings, you name it. There’s just something about drinking beer and cooking meat behind your car in a parking lot. If I could propose a tailgating challenge to anyone who doesn’t believe me, it would go something like this: pick an event that normally would not be exciting or fun and the next time you do it, bring a grill and a cooler with you, and tailgate. I guarantee you that you will enjoy yourself at least 100 times more.
I’m allowed to make guarantees like this because I’ve done the challenge before, and witnessed the power of tailgating firsthand. About two years ago, after the Giants lost to the 16-0 Patriots in the last game of the regular season, I came back from the game with my buddy Dan, and went straight to work at Stop and Shop to help out the night crew. After a few hours, with the grill still in my car from the game, we decided to go out to the parking lot and cook some hot dogs. At about 2 in the morning. On December 30th. It was around 16 degrees outside and there we were, in an empty parking lot at 2 a.m. cooking hot dogs on an 18-inch Giants grill. And you know what happened? We had a good time. Tailgating made work about 100 times more fun than it usually was, which was about negative fun anyway. But hopefully you can see what I’m talking about.
Besides, who wants to go into a football game hungry (or thirsty)? Going into a football game hungry is like going on vacation without packing any clothes. Who wants to spend money for a hotel and flight and then have to buy clothes too? Nobody. So why would you spend $150 on a ticket to the game and then $150 on two hot dogs and three beers? Because that’s about how much it costs.
There is an art to the tailgate though, believe it or not. You want to eat and you want to drink, but you must do so in moderation. Unless you’re a Jets fan and you have zero intention of actually going into the stadium to watch the game once it starts, you don’t want to get completely hammered. When you pay astronomical prices for parking and game tickets, it’s not ideal to spend the 2nd and 3rd quarters with your face in a toilet (and if we’re talking about the toilets at Giants Stadium, I don’t know if you’d want any part of your body within 50 yards of one). On a similar note, pounding too many beers in the parking lot before the game and poor timing of your bladder functionality can lead to possibly spending 3/4 of your tailgating time in line for a port-a-potty, and that’s no fun.
Tailgating, on the other hand, is fun. Lots of fun. Doing it the right way and enjoying a little good-natured pre-game trash-talking with some opposing fans, tossing a football around and leading your unsuspecting friend dangerously close to oncoming cars with a pass, and eating way too much food…..now that’s how to tailgate. There’s nothing else quite like it, come September.
