Come Test Your Mettle With the NFL in Week 9

31 10 2008

Week 9 is one of those important mid-year games where teams have to either go big or go home. Analysts call it “testing your mettle”. They say things like this, and “upside potential” and “trap game” because they run out of things to say sometimes. Anyway here’s Week 9, home teams in CAPS:

Houston (+4.5) over MINNESOTA

Yes Adrian Peterson is going to run for 4000 yards in this game. We’ve heard it a ton of times this week. No, the Texans do not have a run defense to stop him. But everyone forgets that it’s not about whether Peterson runs for 200 yards, it’s about whether or not Tarvaris Jackson is going to make mistakes that will give the game away. Oh and don’t forget about Andre Johnson who has racked up a total of about 600 receptions in the last 4 weeks. Defenses have about as much of an answer for him as they do for the weather.

Prediction: Texans 28, Vikings 20

Jacksonville (-7.5) over CINCINNATI

The only way I’m ever picking Cincinnati from here on out is if they’re playing themselves. The Dolphins ruined my dream last season of seeing a team go 0-16. The Bengals have once again revived that dream.

Prediction: jaguars 34, Bengals 14

Tampa Bay (-8.5) over KANSAS CITY

The Bucs looked like pushovers last week in Dallas, while Tyler Thigpen proved that he was anything but a pushover putting forth the best game of his young career at the Meadowlands last week. But the Chiefs are going to need A LOT more than just a solid effort by their quarterback to start winning games. For starters, Larry Johnson can try not assaulting women at bars.

Prediction: Buccaneers 30, Chiefs 17

Baltimore (+1.5) over CLEVELAND

I don’t know about this one, Cleveland seems to be on a roll as of late, they’ve won 3 in a row. But I think the Ravens defense will prove to be too much for Jamal Lewis, who has been the key to winning for the Browns. When he has a big day, so does Cleveland, and he’s opening up the passing lanes for Anderson to find Edwards and others. But Baltimore shuts down Lewis and the Browns and squeak by in OT.

Prediction: Ravens 23, Browns 20  OT

BUFFALO (-5.5) over NY Jets

Does anybody want to argue that Brett Favre was one of the best quarterbacks of his era and a sure first ballot HOF’er?  No, no one wants to argue that. However does anybody want to argue that he’s a few years past his prime and that most defenses have already figured out his “Just Chuck It Up and See What Happens” gameplan? That’s what I thought.

Prediction: Bills 35, Jets 24

ST. LOUIS (+3) over Arizona

The Rams fired Linehan and then beat the Redskins and Cowboys before falling to the Patriots in a game that wasn’t decided until the last few minutes. If the Rams want to continue their bid of trying to restore hope in a desperate fan-base, they can start by beating the division leaders at home. For some reason the Rams seem to be playing hard for Haslett, most likely because he’s not Scott Linehan. And Marc Bulger to Donnie Avery is the new Warner to Bruce.

Prediction: Rams 27, Cardinals 24

CHICAGO (-12.5) over Detroit

I’m iffy about this one too. I mean, 12.5 points is a lot for a team with Kyle Orton as its quarterback. But then again, it’s the Lions. It’s rare that I still have 2 teams by Week 9 that are looking 0-16 straight in the eye. Anyway, the Lions defense can’t stop Matt Forte, blah blah, Jon Kitna sucks. It’s also worth noting that Forte needs to have a big game this week because my fantasy team has lost 2 in a row after a 6-0 start and if I lose another game before the season’s over it’s not going to be pretty.

Prediction: Bears 38, Lions 10

Green Bay (+5) over TENNESSEE

I’m getting a little tired of everyone jumping on this Titans bandwagon. Frankly, I don’t think it’s very big and if too many people start getting on I’m afraid there’s going to be a weight limit problem. Not going to be 8-0. Nope. Because the Pack are facing somewhat of a must-win situation, I think.

Prediction: Packers 19, Titans 16

Miami (+3) over DENVER

You see, I’m disappointed in the Broncos because they have so much potential to be a great team. They have so many offensive weapons, they just don’t have a defense. They’ve tried, but they just can’t pull it off. The whole defending thing just isn’t their schtick. Especially their run defense. This game has BIG DAY FOR RONNIE BROWN/RICKY WILLIAMS written all over it. And hey, Chad Pennington will have plenty of time to complete the 4 and 5 yard passes that he usually completes.

Prediction: Dolphins 33, Broncos 30

Atlanta (-3) over OAKLAND

The first quarterback to be picked in the 2008 draft goes up against the first quarterback picked in the 2007 draft. Even after losing to Philadelphia last week, the Falcons are still in a good spot, as long as they can pick up the slack against a struggling Raiders team. The only downside for Atlanta is that they play in a division with the Panthers, Bucs and Saints, who are all at least .500 or better.

Prediction: Falcons 26, Raiders 13

Dallas (+8.5) over NY GIANTS

I know that Tony Romo is hurt and Jason Witten is hurt and T.O. isn’t getting the ball (he’s emotionally hurting), but making the Giants 8.5 point favorites? I’m not sure if I agree. I mean, no matter how beat up the ‘Boys are, it’s still an NFC East game. And in NFC East games anything can happen. I’m not saying that the Giants are going to lose, I’m just saying that I’m not sure if they’re going to run them out of the stadium on Sunday. And if they do, then I’ll be even happier.

Prediction: Giants 24, Cowboys 17

Philadelphia (-6.5) over SEATTLE

I don’t have very much to say about this game. The Eagles are getting healthy again, Westbrook seems to be back at full-strength and Kevin Curtis is finally back from his sports hernia. So as long as McNabb stays in the game, Philly has a good shot at poking their head into the NFC playoff picture. As for Seattle, it’s another 6 months of rain.

Prediction: Eagles 34, Seahawks 20

New England (+6) over INDIANAPOLIS

Here’s the deal: Pretty much every year these two teams play during Week 8 or Week 9 and it’s the marquee match-up of the season in the AFC. Usually one or both of the teams are undefeated, it’s Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and all the hoopla. This season: Matt Cassel goes up against a Peyton Manning that looked, on the bench during the end of last week’s game in Tennessee, like a boy who just found out his dog didn’t really get sent to a “farm”. But still, I’m not making the Patriots 6 point underdogs. If anything this game should have been a pick ‘em because it can honestly go either way.

Prediction: Patriots 26, Colts 21

Pittsburgh (+2) over WASHINGTON

The Steelers lost a lot more than just the game last week against the Giants, they lost a long-snapper and about 6 other key players. Pittsburgh is battered and beaten-up and Roethlisberger has already taken more hits this season than Ricky Williams’ bong and to top it off they’ve been pushed around by the NFC East, already losing to Philly and the Giants. But their run defense shut down the tandem of Jacobs and Ward last week and held them to 85 yards on 35 carries. So as long as they can keep Portis in check and make sure Santana Moss doesn’t have another game like he did last week, they can break the NFC East curse.

Prediction: Steelers 13, Redskins 10

One additional football-related note: I’m going to be dressing as Michael Vick for Halloween tonight. I think it’s time that America salutes his comedic value, once and for all.


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Categories : Uncategorized

It’s a Contract Year…

30 10 2008

I was watching the Knicks season-opener against Miami last night, and instead of being awestruck by Shawn Marion’s inexplicable mohawk, I couldn’t help but think about Eddy Curry and Stephon Marbury and their enormously bloated contracts. There they both sat, on the bench for the entire night, and I can imagine that while they were doing so, the perpetual CHA-CHING sound that kept going through their collective heads managed to drown out most of the opening-night crowd. Eddy Curry is guaranteed $12 million dollars this year, as part of his 5-year, $60 million dollar contract that he signed in 2005. Stephon Marbury is set to make $23 million. Combined, they will rake in $35 million this year. For what?

For the duration of the first half, Eddy remained on the bench, in his warm-ups, his corn-rows freshly braided, all while Zach Randolph tried to keep up on fast breaks, daydreaming of a late-night trip to IHOP after the game. And so did Stephon. Malik Rose played 7 minutes. Even the first-round draft pick from Italy, Danilo Gallinari played 4 minutes. But Eddy and Steph remained on the bench. Combined, they both played 35 million minutes less than the amount of money they’re getting paid. 0.

So all of this aside, I was left to wonder what it would be like if our real world professions (and by “real world” I mean jobs where you don’t make $23 million dollars to sit on a folding chair for 3 hours a night. So essentially NBA players and CEO’s of large insurance firms are excluded) operated like the sports world.

Try to imagine a world where getting hired for a new job was like signing a professional sports contract. I imagine it would go something like this:

After graduating college, your new, high profile agent (who may or may not have bought your mother a new house and you a brand new BMW before you even got your degree) shops you around to different companies who are feverishly competing for you. You sit down with a number of different company presidents and vice presidents and CEO’s, but instead of them interviewing you, it’s you doing the interviewing. How productive can I be at this company? Are there other people around me that will enable me to perform at my highest level? Are we going to be ranked on the Fortune 500 this year? How much money am I looking at? Things like this.

After you’ve found the company that you and your high-profile agent agree is right for you (or is throwing the most money at you), the company subjects you to a gamut of drug tests and endurance tests. You think you can type 85 words a minute? Okay, let’s see it. Let’s see it when the office air-conditioning unit is broken and your desk chair doesn’t swivel. How well do you deal with adversity? Things like this.

Finally, you’re ready to sign the contract. Big money contract, right out of college. You’re a hot-shot. $500,000 guaranteed over 5 years. $60,000 signing bonus. You’re the talk of the office. For the first few weeks you’re tearing up the place. Handing in reports left and right, taking charge of the copy machine, getting new clients on-board by the busload, people are coming by your office just to watch you work. It’s fascinating.

But by mid-year you hit a slump. You start taking 2-hour lunches, you’ve fallen asleep on your keyboard more than once and the reports stop flowing like Cristal at the BET Awards after-party. Your co-workers think you’ve hit the wall. The rookie wall. But then you pick things up again, just in time for a late-year push. The Christmas party is a huge hit because you set it up, and got it catered by a nice sushi place a few blocks away. Rookie of the Year? Maybe. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The next few years are much of the same thing. You’ve become a reliable, go-to guy. Congratulations. Other companies are waiting for your contract to expire so they can sign you as a free-agent. All of a sudden though, by Year 4, things start going downhill. You had a one-night stand with the quietly attractive blond two offices down from yours. Now it’s getting kind of awkward to be around the office. There’s rumors floating around that you may be traded. Realizing that you still have 2 years left on your contract and you can’t be fired, you start tanking reports left and right and calling out sick to sail your yacht around the harbor and do lines of coke off of a dolphin. Now every morning that you walk into the office you get dirty looks from all your co-workers. Nobody even talks to you anymore and the VP has called you into his office several times to tell you that he still believes in  your potential.

Meanwhile you’re being implicated in a shooting at a Vegas strip-club and throwing drinks in a girl’s face. All the pundits on MSNBC are talking about you and now nobody wants to pick up your lame-duck contract after it expires.

Soon the fifth and final year of your contract rolls around. The talk around the office is whether or not the company VP is going to sign you to a contract extension or release into the free-agency market. Inside sources around the office seem to have exclusive information about what company is going to sign you after the year is over. But then once the year begins, you’re working like a man-possessed, averaging double-digits in reports-per-week and being a solid task manager. Soon they’re talking about you like you’re a new person. Some co-workers shrug it off and say, “It’s just because he’s in a contract year”, but others can’t stop talking about how you’ve become a real “game manager”. Almost like Brad Johnson. “He really knows how to manage a game” they’ll say. But sure enough you’re working your ass off, you want that next big contract. And when the end of the year comes, you’ll get it. You’ll get that big contract with a lot of zeros because you understand what it takes to succeed….

…..always perform your best in a contract year.


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Categories : Sports, Uncategorized


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